It’s exhausting. It’s dangerous. And, even if you got them to budge, was it worth the effort?
- “I just want them to respect me.”
- “I’m struggling to say it in a way that they’d understand.”
- “I’m not going to talk about it because it’ll only cause a fight.”
Statements like these come up in sessions A L L T H E T I M E. One, because they’re so real and relatable. Who doesn’t want to feel respected? Who wants to feel miss-understood? Who in their right mind wants to get into an argument? Everyone. No one. Some, but not many people.
However relatable, the above statements share one major flaw.
The illusion of controlling another person.
- What they think.
- What they perceive.
- Their ability to predict how someone else will behave.
Trying to control how someone else perceives you is exhausting. It takes tremendous effort – contorting, conforming, explaining, defending, deflecting, deflating, raging, explaining, explaining again, pushing, researching, contracting, debating, lawyering up, mediating, hosting a town hall meeting, hiring a PR team, curating, Insta-influencing, photo-shopping … Are you tired of examples yet?
Trying to control what anyone thinks about you is like wrestling a walrus. It’s exhausting. It’s dangerous. And, even if you got them to budge, was it worth what it cost you?
This would be what I’d describe as “the wrong kind of hard.”
Often, when we are wanting to feel more respected in a relationship, we’re wrestling with a need to defend ourselves, or we aren’t feeling appreciated.
When we’re trying to curate the perfect script for a tough conversation, what we’re really wrestling with is the sweaty unavoidable discomfort of vulnerability.
Or, when we convince ourselves that we already know what will happen and choose to do nothing, it’s likely because we’re wrestling with a much bigger decision that we aren’t ready to face.
If any of these feel relatable to you, you are not alone.
So, what’s the right kind of hard?
This season of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs is attempting to answer this very question. I’m going to be bringing back some old friends, expert guests & sharing some key insights from my clinical therapy practice.
There are two NEW episodes of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs ready and waiting for you. Listen HERE.
Or, you can find the all the episodes on iTunes & Spotify.
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast, wherever you listen so you never miss an episode.
The best things in life are shared, and I’m grateful to get to share this with you!
