122. What’s your relationship status? Potential vs Reality Continued

June 26, 2023

Lessons from Sessions: What would it feel like to know what you know or feel what you feel, fully? To inhabit yourself without justification, persuasion, or defensiveness?

Dropping the need for your rightness to be proven through their wrongness, knowing that truth, like gravity, maybe have discovered but cannot be denied. It existed before we were made aware of it’s hold on us.

So much of the drain experienced in our minds and the pain we cause others lives in the defending, explaining, contending, compromising, avoiding, fighting and proving.

The need to be seen and known is real. The power of validation is undeniable, and where does the small, still and unshakable knowing inside each of us live? When is it time for that voice to come forward. In spite of adversity, or being unacknowledged by others.

If it is the truth that sets us free, can that be found in another person? Perhaps the truth isn’t held by someone else, but rather is revealed to us through our interactions with other people.

Podcast Feature

Ep 122 – Potential vs Reality: What’s your relationship status? (Released June 12, 2023)

As we all know, even the healthiest relationships are complex. But, when navigating relationships that aren’t exactly where we want them to be, it can be helpful to ask the following questions—am I in a relationship with the other person’s potential or with who they truly are? And the follow-up question: how do I know when it’s time to make a change?

To answer these questions, it’s important to make room for both our logic and emotions. The head nor the heart ­alone can provide a complete answer—the truth will likely live somewhere in between.

One of the biggest learnings in my life as a therapist is that while it is 100% possible for someone to change, it can ONLY happen when they decide to change. And, amidst a genuine attempt to begin anew there will be mistakes, stumbles and setbacks.

In the end, though, you are the only one that can know if your needs are being met, by yourself or by someone else. And with that knowing, how you want to move forward. I hope this discussion helps you approach the idea of potential vs. reality in a way that supports you in that process.


You can always catch the latest episode by subscribing to the Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs podcast on iTunes or Spotify.

If you’re having trouble thinking through the contours of a difficult relationship, I recommend journaling. For me, journaling has been a game-changing tool. Just grab a pen and put your thoughts on paper. If you’re thinking “I’ve tried before but didn’t really know if I was doing it right,”—consider getting a copy of the Treasured Journal. The Treasured Journal includes questions, prompts, and exercises that will help you open up so that you can make sense of what you’re feeling. You can get the journal and its companion meditation guide HERE.

Stay connected

Even if emails are delayed, you can expect new and original content from me every week in the following places:

  • Instagram (100% my comfort zone)
  • Facebook (Post about 3x a week)
  • TikTok (little by little/getting there/learning)

The best things in life are shared. Share this email with someone you love and invite them along!

xo, Danielle