Welcome back to ‘Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs!’
In this lively and heartfelt episode, Danielle Ireland chats with Ashlyn Thompson from the Parent Empowerment Network. Ashlyn shares her journey from growing her nonprofit organization to the emotional rollercoaster of her daughter’s complex medical journey.
Get ready to explore how pain can be an unexpected teacher, the magic of community support, and why tapping into creativity can be your secret weapon against anxiety. Filled with laughs, valuable insights, and touching moments, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom and joy. Tune in and enjoy the ride!
Ashlyn Thompson interview links
Ashlyn Thompson, a passionate advocate and storyteller, is co-founder of the Parent Empowerment Network, a nonprofit providing emotional and mental health support to parents navigating pediatric medical complexities. She also co-hosts theEmpowered by Hope podcast, which equips parents with practical tools, resources, and a strong sense of community—delivered with a heavy dose of humor and hope to empower them as their child’s best advocate.
Ashlyn’s fire for advocacy was ignited by her daughter Emery, who was born with bladder exstrophy. After Emery nearly died following a major surgery at just seven weeks old, Ashlyn became a fierce voice for patient safety. Unwilling to accept the limitations of domestic medical care, she discovered a surgical option in the U.K. that wasn’t available in the U.S. at the time. In early 2023, Emery became the first American to undergo this procedure—and thanks to Ashlyn’s relentless advocacy, that surgery is now available in America.
When she’s not advocating or recording podcasts, Ashlyn moonlights as a budding driveway chalk artist, chaos coordinator for her spirited family, and an avid nature lover. Chocolate is her daily vitamin, ADHD is her superpower, spiders and small talk are her sworn enemies, and she firmly believes laughter and boldness are two of a parent’s greatest tools.
Parent Empowerment Network:
The Parent Empowerment Network exists to support, encourage, and educate parents of children with medical complexities—empowering them with community, knowledge, and confidence to be their child’s fiercest advocate.
www.ParentEmpowermentNetwork.org
Empowered by Hope podcast on all major podcast streaming platforms: https://parentempowermentnetwork.org/podcast/
Social Media:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/Parent-Empowerment-Network/100083218456295/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parentempowermentnetwork/
She is Charlotte book by co-founder, Emily Whiting:https://parentempowermentnetwork.org/she-is-charlotte-book/
Danielle Ireland Interview Links
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Transcript
[00:00:00] Danielle: Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are watching or listening to Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs. I am so excited to be back in the interview seat. We’ve done some solo cast. It’s been a blast. But Ashlyn Thompson is here with me today, and we just wrapped an incredible conversation. Ashlyn came on as a guest to talk about her work with Charlotte’s Hope Foundation a couple of years ago.
[00:00:26] She was about ready to embark right in the interview we were, she was. Days away from embarking on a trip to the UK for her daughter having a surgery with the only surgeon in the world who performed the specific type of surgery that her daughter needed. Her daughter’s made a full recovery. It’s a beautiful story we’re gonna get into in this episode, but what I’m truly, if you could imagine even beyond that beautiful story, what I’m so excited to introduce to you and to that I was so grateful to witness and learn from.
[00:00:53] Is that Ashlyn has grown her nonprofit organization, not no money in organization, but yes, a nonprofit organization that at the time, two years ago when we last checked in with her, was called Charlotte’s Hope Foundation. It has grown. It’s expanded, and it’s evolved, and it’s now the Parent Empowerment Network.
[00:01:10] She and her co-founder also have a podcast for that same work, and what I love about the work that they do. They create community connection space and resources for parents and families raising children or any provider helping a child navigate medical complexities. And that sounds like such a hard and heavy and challenging topic.
[00:01:33] And it is. But what Ashlyn embodies is. The work that I really wanted to bring to this season and this new phase of don’t cut your own bangs, which I want big feelings to feel less scary. I want approaching them to feel possible. And then with that in mind, wherever possible, as much as possible, finding lightness, levity, and joy.
[00:01:54] However we can do it. And I’m telling you, in this episode we did that. We accomplished that. We talk about important things, we talk about heavy things, and Ashland is vulnerable in a way that is inviting. But also something we can all learn from. And through the specificity of her life experience and what she’s learned, there are universal nuggets that we can all find value in.
[00:02:17] I know I did, and this was such a beautiful place to share, and we laughed. We had joy, we smiled . I hope that this topic invites you and encourages you to lean in and tune in because there are so many great nuggets of this. Thank you for being here, and I can’t wait for you to sit back, relax, and enjoy.
[00:02:38] Ashlyn Thompson
[00:02:39] Hi. Yes, I know. Big jumps for both of us. I know. I feel like we’re, it does feel like a lifetime ago. It I mean, in many ways it is. It’s like we’re, I mean, I’m still, me and all the key players are still playing. Right. But it does feel like a different life in a way. And I, with that in mind, I just wanna officially welcome you back.
[00:02:55] Yes. Welcome. Ashlyn Thompson. Oh, thank. Don’t cut your own bangs. I am so excited that you’re here for many reasons, but the thing I’m most excited about is I think that. Building something or starting something creates a certain amount of effort and energy. Sustaining something, growing with it, breathing new life into it, that’s a different part of a different element of a creative process.
[00:03:17] And that’s something I think specifically I’m really excited to talk to you about because you’re parent Empowerment Network, which has it, it exists to support, encourage and educate parents and caregivers of children with medical complexities. And that was, it already was in existence when we, right, when we recorded the first time.
[00:03:34] But it has grown. Grown. I went to a gala, people, she’s throwing a gala fundraiser for her for her network. And so, I mean, I wanna hear about all the twists and all the developments of that, but more specifically the context I wanna provide for us and for this conversation. The thing that I’m really excited about, , and why I feel really passionate about bringing this to video.
[00:03:57] Is that I want to help make big feelings feel less scary. Yeah. And I want to make, approaching them feel possible. And then with that in mind as much and as often as possible, laugh as much as possible. Amen. And so, right? So like, you are swimming in the trenches with people and even in your own life with people who are holding and making space for heavy things.
[00:04:23] Yes. And yet there is a bright smile on your face. There’s a twinkle in your eye. You laugh and you smile. And I wanna, and I don’t know how to articulate what that is, but I want to, I wanna, that’s something I wanna make space for in this conversation too. So it’s important and it’s big and it’s emotional for sure, but also like, let’s allow levity too.
[00:04:42] Absolutely. I am so excited to be continuing our conversation, and I’m also really happy to know that. The person who’s sitting here with you today is very much a different person from two years ago. And I feel like I have gone through multiple versions of myself just in the past two years. And that’s one of the things that I truly celebrate about, not just the journey of parent empowerment network, but I think just growing and evolving as a human spirit, experiencing this life is recognizing that I say this phrase to only certain people, but I act, I feel compelled to share it now.
[00:05:26] I feel like I have died a thousand times. And greeted so many versions of myself. But every time I rise into that extroversion and realize who I am, I like that person more and more. And. I feel like one of my greatest accomplishments just this past year has been truly settling into a, knowing a deep belief that life is meant to grow through, not go through.
[00:05:58] And that change, that pivot of how I see the next big thing that comes up has been such a grounding force for me and has really helped me feel like I’m actually sitting in the driver’s seat of my car. I don’t know what I’m going to pass as I’m on this highway. In life. And sometimes life yanks me off on an exit I didn’t plan.
[00:06:23] And those exit ramps are typically the next lesson. But I’m grateful to be at a point where I can now see the next really hard thing emerging and not wanna hit reverse. Wow. Wow. Not that I like it all the time. No, God. But I can appreciate that this isn’t out to crush me. This isn’t here to take me down like I used to feel.
[00:06:53] , Wow. There’s a lot to unpack there for. Thank you so much for sharing that, but also not going in reverse. I wanna make a mental note, not going in reverse. The next version of me, I like better, and this is not here to crush me. Right. The, there’s something, I got chills. I got full body chills when you, the la with the last thing that you said, because when I’m working with clients, there is this element and this is something.
[00:07:18] I promise I’ll come back to that original point there. There’s an element of the work that I do where, and I’m sure you get this in your own way too, with like hearing stories from families who are holding really hard and heavy things. I think when I meet people for the first time, a common response is, wow, I don’t know how you do what you do, or I don’t know how you listen to that all day.
[00:07:36] Or Oh man, and I think, yes, sure. There, there are certainly days and clients or moments where those stories are making space for people’s big, heavy, painful experiences. Right. Is can be a lot at times. Far less anymore. But I think more than anything the va like, I feel so lucky to have the experience a hundred maybe even thousands of times over hurt people’s pain.
[00:08:03] And I know what pain sounds like. Yes. And there are different types and one thing that I absolutely believe to be true is that our pain is not personal. Our story is personal, right? But pain is not personal. And the events of our life, even things that happen to us, it’s, there’s it’s almost shifting out of a, and I hope I can say this within the context that, that is heard with love.
[00:08:27] But shifting out of a victim mentality right into it. Because being victimized or being stricken with grief or holding something hard like that is absolutely real. And also knowing that this is happening to me, but this is not gosh, what are the words I’m trying to find. It, what I’m hearing is you recognize how hard this is.
[00:08:51] Whatever that insert blank. I recognize how hard this is, and I’m not going to make this pain so precious that I don’t also see it as temporary. Yes, exactly. But there’s something, so I think there’s something really powerful and there’s so much nuance to that because I certainly don’t want to, people can be victimized, but the victim mentality is one of, in my professional experience it’s one of the more challenging headspace to, for someone to walk out of.
[00:09:21] Agree. It’s really hard. Exactly. It shrinks your world. So, so much. That’s well said. And we experience that very often. We really fo I mean we say all the time, you know, we are non diagnosis specific, non prognosis specific with the families that we work with, and we focus on the parents or the parent role, which could be performed by a sibling, a grandparent, a friend, an adopt, a lot of different people, but.
[00:09:51] What we really found early in our journey and what helped us evolve into parent empowerment network was that recognition that, like you pointed out, pain is not it’s not customized to your experience. The feeling, the emotional and physical experience relationship with pain is common through all of us, and it actually is a way that we can connect with each other when we recognize that.
[00:10:18] When we stop comparing one another’s pains. Now, don’t get me wrong, if your kid got a bump on the head versus your kid needs a, you know, brain surgery. Right. Those are different. Yes. Very different. Yes. But most of the time we’re not dealing with that. And what we have found is that when somebody is in that victim mentality, which is understandable, I think that’s a, very important aspect to acknowledge when you’re feeling like a victim, why is this happening to me? Or why is this happening to my child? Because I’ll be the first to say, it’s never okay when your child is hurting or sick or in harm’s way or worse. I will never be okay with it. But when we say stuck in a victim mentality, our ability to problem solve goes from about here to here.
[00:11:08] Yeah. And then your child is really the one who suffers. And I hate, it’s a hard truth. But we have to face that truth because when we can help a parent start to find glimmers of hope, start to see that there’s a way to build on quality of life rather than cure. Then you start to see this new version emerge where they are truly, you know, empowered advocates for their child.
[00:11:45] There’s something that I heard in what you said too, that a lot of times when I’m working with clients who are maybe knee deep in anxiety or depression, for example. I think why can be a powerful question, but I think a misplaced why is a really exactly damaging question. Like, why me? Why them?
[00:12:02] Why this, why now? Because those are questions you can’t answer that only lead to a defeating answer. Exactly. And usually another question or shame, but what I’m hearing a lot in when you. When you can kind of broaden your focus and sort of release that constriction from why you then can open yourself up to a different type of question.
[00:12:23] How can I, exactly. How can I get through today? How can I get through this moment? What is needed most of me now? What do I need now? Right. And those types of the what and the how. Who do I need to show up for? Is it me? Right. Is it them? Who do I need to ask for help? Who has information that I need?
[00:12:43] Those types of questions don’t eliminate the pain, but it broadens the scope Yes. Of, of your field of vision. And I know that though, like, ’cause you are here in many ways. Oh, I hope it’s okay to use this term. But I hope that you’re here as an expert and you’re also the executive Hope director of of the power impairment network.
[00:13:05] And I think a lot of times. What we would imagine as the worst possible case scenario. Like the worst thing we could imagine would be something happening to our kids. This has been your lived experience. This has been your business partner’s lived experience. And for, even though you have a podcast as well, where you really create a space and content and a community that helps people with that very specific set of circumstances, that Right.
[00:13:33] I would imagine it’s like. The best and worst club to be a part of. So we always say, we’re so sorry you’re in this club. Yes. But we’re so glad you found us. Yes. Like it’s the yes, we’re really sorry, but at the same time, like, welcome home, welcome. And so I think a lot of the, a lot of the people who tune in to don’t cut your own bang, I don’t know how many would have this specific life experience.
[00:13:57] Right. And if you do, oh my gosh, what a gorgeous resource you have in Ashlyn. Oh, thank you. And the Parent empowerment network and their podcast. But I do think that even in something like this, in within the specificity of everything you’re saying, there is such a broad truth that I think we can all access and find value in.
[00:14:16] And, yeah. So just thank you for all of that. And I want to, okay. I wanna shift a little bit to the growth of the parent Empowerment network. Right. Because, so when I originally started this podcast, what I was, what I really motivated me, one was I was terrified of becoming a therapist and having worked as a creative, and I just wanted to surround myself with other people who, who were building things, right? So that I could sort of sneak in my own needy questions. Like, how did you do it? How did you figure it out? What happened when you were scared? Like, what happened when your computer crashed? Oh my gosh. And you went from newly building something to, you have really grown.
[00:14:53] Yes. You have really grown. And I wanna know having experienced the, you know, the gala that Right. That you that you threw that was so lovely. I wanna know . What led to the growth over the last two years? Because you’re still momming, you’re still life. Yeah. Your daughter is still being you.
[00:15:08] I mean, like your life is still life and Yes. Life is still lifeing. How, in the midst of your lifeing, how have you also continued to grow this? And I really wanna know like what fueled your fire. And just tell me more about that story please. Yes, absolutely. So at the beginning of this, you know, when we started talking, you were very talking about how I’m sitting here smiling and I mean, I am fully, I am genuinely full of joy in this moment.
[00:15:35] And I think I know actually that comes from being in something like we have with Parent Empowerment Network, which has been truly its own huge like business, right? We are called a nonprofit, but let me tell you, I mean, it is straight up business.
[00:15:57] Is what it is in a lot of ways, and. That’s the worst possible name for a tax category. It totally is. Because it’s so confusing. Nonprofit doesn’t mean no money. Right. Exactly. It’s so confusing. We do not exist for free. Is great an idea as that sounds. I want that to be the slogan for every nonprofit.
[00:16:16] I just, ’cause we don’t exist for free. Right. You know the whole, you get what you pay for. It’s, yeah. That’s a whole other conversation. We’re not gonna spend too much time there today. We should have a part two then. There we go. I’m okay with that. All right. So for that, what I think the biggest lesson that has.
[00:16:33] Emerged from this journey just since we were, you know, you and I were talking a couple years ago when we were actually still called Charlotte’s Hope Foundation. Yes. Which was our initial name. Yes. Because we had an idea for something that was this big at the beginning. And the name Charlotte’s Hope Foundation fit that in theory.
[00:16:52] But the thing I’m most proud of my, of Emily Whiting, who’s my co-founder, fellow mom, fellow sister, fellow savior, at times the best thing we have done is allowed ourselves permission to grow and shrink as needed. And that’s what we’ve done throughout this journey. It has not been a step process.
[00:17:15] There have been countless times where we have grown two or three steps, been bigger, you know, working with international teams of surgeons, pulling together collaborations that have never been done, and then. There have been times where we have pulled back and we haven’t released an episode for six weeks.
[00:17:33] We have had maybe two or three social posts because our lives were on fire or just demanded all our attention, but it didn’t mean we had to stop. I need to, oh my gosh. I don’t know how many of you listening or watching can relate to that. I, there is a relationship I have with the expansion and contraction of output where if I’m not putting something out, producing something, making something that it really does a number on my sense of self worth. Right. And self esteem. And that is something that I’m still actively healing and repairing, because I definitely know the facts. I know. The really bumper stickery, self helpy sounding talk.
[00:18:26] And I believe it. It’s not that I, I don’t hear it and think like, yeah. Right. It’s just that there’s a more practiced version of me, right. That has just had more at bats operating in a certain way. And then life in many ways rewards you for that. In theory. In theory. And I don’t mean the like the laurels, like you get the the kudos pat on the back accolades but there is a cost, right?
[00:18:47] There is a cost. And I think, in the I this past year I wrote a children’s book called Wrestling a Walrus. And this the act of writing this book was something that I didn’t realize that in the contraction, or even like in the I love the visual of the caterpillar becoming the butterfly.
[00:19:09] ‘Cause there’s a two week process where the caterpillar is literally, we talk about the messy middle in this podcast and think, thank you Brene Brown, wherever you are for creating language and context for us for this very conversation. ’cause so much of this is inspired by that, but that gooey, mushy middle where it’s not a butterfly, it’s literally goo and it’s Exactly, and it, and, but in that place, there is magic happening there.
[00:19:33] Even if it, even though it looks like a pile of shit, right. Like, it’s, there’s magic happening there. I’ll say the impetus or the inspiration, the. It was tough moments with my daughter, moments where I didn’t feel like I was doing anything. Right. It like hitting the wrecking ball of, you know, being a parent of a toddler and a parent of an infant like that was, there’s not enough grace in any space to help you go through that without serious, you know, support.
[00:20:02] There were, I had some victim mentality at that point in time, even, and all things can be true at once. But all of that was what I experienced before I had the idea to write the book. And had I not had that experience, I wouldn’t have been able to do that. Exactly. I don’t think it would’ve been the same.
[00:20:16] And
[00:20:16] , and I promise this whole podcast isn’t an ad for the book, but like, I really believe in this damn book and I love it so much. And I love that you talk about that expansion and contraction for yourself. And that you doesn’t, it doesn’t mean you have to stop. ’cause I think a big reason why I maybe avoided picking up the torch again and doing this podcast like I left it for so long, or I abandoned it for so long, or can I still do it right?
[00:20:41] Like all of that stuff. And then yeah it. Yeah. Doubt doesn’t mean you’re done. No. And taking a pause doesn’t mean you’re stopping forever. But yeah. I mean, you can’t just exhale forever. You can’t just output like you eventually have to breathe in. Exactly. And that relationship is very necessary.
[00:21:00] And so, I mean, everything you’re saying is exactly what I need. Thank you. Thank you. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. And it, that lesson doesn’t come easily. Nope. But I think another element of that, you know, building off of what you were just talking about, pain and discomfort and naturally shying away from it.
[00:21:21] I challenge anybody in life to just take a moment to consider pain as a potential teacher, as a professor, rather than pain as an enemy, or pain as a destroyer. Right. If you ask yourself. Why does this feel painful? Because how many times do we all experience in our life something that really gets under our skin, but whether it’s a spouse or it’s a friend or a coworker and they seem totally unfazed by it,
[00:21:56] and that used to be something that bothered me. I was kinda like what’s, am I ever sensitive? Or like, what is my thing? And I grew up always hearing, not necessarily even from my parents, but I feel like. Teacher schools and saved by the bell commercials about find what you love in life and you’ll never work a day in your life.
[00:22:16] And that was great in theory, but I’m a very eclectic person. Yep. I love a lot. And all I was getting was a lot of burnout. That’s also like saying like, love your kids and you’ll never have a hard day with them in your life. You’re like, no bs. No. I love my kids. But like, you know, oh my gosh, kids are the greatest, hardest thing of life.
[00:22:33] Right. Right. But I think the same is true. Like , I never stopped loving this. Right. But I don’t always have control over the life around. Right. But it’s a, I think allowing things to be a part of you, not all of you, is really important. Yeah. And I think it’s so easy to define ourselves by that output.
[00:22:53] For me and Emily, the word is often it’s impact. Are we actually making an impact? And the thing that helped us. Become okay with hitting the pause button when we needed to, and not officially throwing in the towel. Don’t get me wrong, there were conversations about it, but we were always very honest with each other and we held each other accountable that if you are feeling like this is not jiving with your life, if it’s not jiving with you personally, or it’s not good for your family at this moment, let’s hit the pause button and talk about it.
[00:23:26] But realizing that if we only help each other while working on this, Emily and I, that’s helping our kids, that’s helping our families. And there’s a domino effect from that goes from that. And if that’s all we ever do, what’s bad about that? You said something that I, it still stuck with me and it will probably be the title of this episode.
[00:23:49] Pain is a Professor. Yes, it is. And I wanna go back to that because something that I talk about in my sessions a lot is that your emotions never lie to you. Now your thoughts are very different. Yes. Your thoughts can go a, now granted, we need to think critical thinking is important.
[00:24:04] We probably need more critical thinking, but thoughts happen to us all day, every day, constantly. Right. I don’t remember what the statistic is. I think we have roughly like eight thoughts a minute, something like that. I’m surprised it’s not . Maybe that’s just a DH adhd. And that could be too, like, yeah, there, maybe there’s a spectrum.
[00:24:18] Maybe it’s eight to 80 thoughts a minute. Give or take. Give or take a hundred. But so thoughts happen to us now. We can certainly consciously choose what to focus on and what we think. But thinking happens, the emotions are in response to what we’re thinking and believing. Exactly. And they never lie.
[00:24:35] Right. And I But something you said like pain as a professor. And I like the thought that emotions are energy in motion. Yes. And they always have something for you to learn. There’s something for every emotion. There is something it wants you to know. Right. And when you’re not feeling good are we have more pain receptors in our body, unfortunately.
[00:24:55] We have more pain receptors in our body than we do pleasure receptors. Like, and so when pain is activated, it just has a firmer grip. There’s something that Martha Beck talks about that I love. It’s called the, I think she calls it the Viper in the box of puppies. So if you were to imagine like, and enough said, right.
[00:25:10] Done. You get it. But you hand, if I handed you a box full of like 15 adorable, gorgeous little puppies, I mean, it’s, they’re the most abundant, silly, loving, fuzzy source of love, safety, pleasure. I could really go for that right now. I mean, would it, that should be a, I’m hoping there’s one hiding around somewhere.
[00:25:28] We have a surprise for you, but if I were to then put a Viper in or a cobra in your box of puppies. All you’re gonna see is the threat. Exactly. All you’re gonna see is the threat. And I think in life, it’s like we pop mo most of us more often than not, are probably living in lives with a lot of puppies.
[00:25:48] But the viper, the threat is what consumes Oh yeah. So much energy and attention and shifting your focus from one to the other is easier said than done. And I wanna talk to you specifically about how you have found meaning or, and I, when I say success, I don’t mean it in like a bullet point sense, but right.
[00:26:12] Where you have found access to, you know, the viper, you know, or the cobra, you know, the box of puppies. Right. How you access that. I can certainly share how I have, but my emotions, I. I’ve learned in time. I don’t always know exactly what they’re telling me in the beginning, but I trust them enough to know that it’s something.
[00:26:36] And so the first place I try to access, if I’m not dissociating or avoiding, is to sit with it. Yeah. So usually it’s like, I’m I’ll just dissociate in my fantasy book or rewatching parks and recreation for the MPH teeth bajillion time. You know, it’s just always a Sure bet. Yeah. It’s just, it’s hard for, life can only be so hard with Leslie Nope and little Sebastian, you know?
[00:26:57] So anyway. But I wanna know where you find yourself in that shift. Yeah. Yeah. So you’ve got my head’s like turning, I’m also still picturing puppies to be honest. That’s okay. So I actually, I feel like I wanna give an example of something that I experienced last year, so two years ago.
[00:27:11] It’s crazy to think two years ago I went on this crazy journey to England. I went to London to take my daughter, who was not quite two years old yet to have a surgery over there for her ultra rare condition that was not available in the States. And I had talked to everybody in the States, of course, that had any knowledge about it and all they could tell me was, we don’t really know anything about it.
[00:27:35] We don’t do it here. Kind of you’re on your own, go for it. Or don’t, we can’t say that we would support you. All that matters is I went for it. And fortunately it did end up being the right decision, but I also knew that it could not be the right decision. And what I found on that experience was that I was originally desperate for picking the right way in life to move forward, that I could not make a decision.
[00:28:06] I could not possibly move forward unless I was a hundred percent sure. But guess what? Life isn’t real big on giving you a guarantee. Yeah. Guarantees with anything. And I think where I, that’s where I started to learn that I don’t have to have the answers to move forward. I can be looking at that box and I can see, oh my gosh, this could go terribly wrong.
[00:28:34] But I think living with a hopeful mindset is something that allows me to keep my eye on that viper and then still interact with the puppies over here. My eye is still trained on it, but what I found is a peace in making my decision. And it was a, that feeling, that gut feeling. You know, it, I, it doesn’t matter what you’ve gone through in life.
[00:28:58] I can’t believe that there’s anybody out there who hasn’t just had that. I call it just that knowing in your gut, it’s a physical experience and that is something. That has helped me move forward in life. Because here’s the thing, guys, nobody can ever stay truly still. And that’s where a lot of our pain and discomfort comes from, is fighting moving forward without certainty.
[00:29:23] Oh, let’s pause right there. Oh my gosh. So there’s something that Dr. Becky Kennedy who she has the good, she wrote the book Good Inside, and she’s got her own beautiful podcast and work and content. She does. She really she focuses on kids, but she’s really working on parents relationship with their inner child and by extension their parenting.
[00:29:43] But she talks about something called, I’ve called it the Gap, but she calls it the learning space. So with kids, most of their frustration, tension and meltdowns happen between meeting a moment or. A moment arising and knowing how to meet the moment. And that learning space is usually the gap in knowing or understanding of this is what’s arisen and I don’t know how to meet this moment.
[00:30:04] Right? And then if their context or their ability to meet it, if the moment exceeds their ability that’s usually when there’s a lot of pain or big feelings. Right. And I think with adults, that’s usually where I see self-doubt, rumination anxiety, self-destructive tendencies.
[00:30:23] Come in and you’re right. You’re, I love that you said we’re never really still, I mean, one that’s just true based on science and physics. We’re never still that’s actually one of the, like, there’s like two necessary components, maybe three to being a living, being or a living entity.
[00:30:36] I think, what is it? Movement, cell division, reproduction, and, I don’t know, something else. Hey, anyone here pop off in the comments if you’re a science boss, please gold star for you. Please. But but yeah, we’re never truly still. And so even when you feel stagnant and stuck and even hearing you say that I’m actually processing in real time, one of the things that I have done that I, I discovered by accident, but probably because my body knew better than my mind did.
[00:31:04] I would, it often does. I would take my feelings on walks. I would, I talked about that movement is essential if you are literally feeling stuck. I tell, that’s what I tell everybody. Anytime they’re spiraling. Which it’s understandable. Go for a walk. Even if it is five minutes, walk up and down your stairs.
[00:31:22] Or at the least one of my favorite things thank you Instagram reels for sucking up so much of my life at times in the hospital, but sometimes, but it’s, sometimes it’s, it is the perfect escape. It’s okay to let the pressure off of ourselves. But there was this one that I saw it was this therapist who was like in her seventies and she was in Ireland and she’s walking around in like this, you know, the quintessential Ireland landscape.
[00:31:47] And she said, I tell all of my clients when you have a problem or a worry or something that’s making you feel like you need to hurry, walk outside where you can see the sky and look up. Because the moment you remove a ceiling from your view, from your your line of sight, your mind opens with it.
[00:32:08] And possibilities grow. And I have experienced that so often. And you think about it where you, when you’re in a confined space. It only adds to those feelings of I’m stuck or I’m out of options, or I can’t deal with this. But when you go outside and the world is just showing you how big it is and how small you are, there’s actually a ton of comfort in that.
[00:32:35] There’s, I’ve also read and heard that there’s something about the way that our eyes sort of gently move and follow and track side to side. Yeah. The movement around us that activates a similar calming sensation that our body experiences in REM sleep. Because if you’re tracking a bird or tracking a squirrel, or just simply seeing like the trees and movement, track your kids.
[00:32:55] Right. That’ll keep you, your eyes all over the place. Girl. But like, ’cause right now we’re facing a computer screen and we’re in, we’re under lights. Like, it’s a very I mean, it’s a lovely container, but it’s a sterile container by comparison of being outside. And I Right. I do think that sometimes, like, like Lifeing.
[00:33:11] It can be hard, and I never wanna oversimplify holding the challenges and moving through the challenges. Right. And yet I think sometimes when something feels overly, when something feels complex and impossible, it’s almo. I, my instinct is to abandon the basics. And that is always the place to start.
[00:33:32] That’s always the place to start, is to go back to the basics.
[00:33:35] Knowing what you know now what. Do you think the version of you, I wrote down three years ago, but I wanna go back to two years ago bef, like as you were navigating all the travel plans and the decision to go to the UK for your daughter’s surgery, what do you think that version of Ashlyn needed to hear or needed to know?
[00:33:55] And then the follow up question to that, after you answers, do you think she would’ve believed you?
[00:33:59] It’s really funny that you’re asking this question because I actually had a conversation yesterday with a neighbor’s daughter who is a film student, and this question has actually been going through my mind a lot lately about, I wonder where my life would be if I’d known this in my early thirties, if I’d known, or if I had known this in my twenties.
[00:34:23] And I kept kind of going backwards like, I didn’t know this then. Oh maybe if I’d known this. And I kept just, like I said, looking back and then what I realized is. It’s so important that I didn’t know those things because I had to experience them with the challenges. I had to climb the mountains for the first time to really understand the importance of gaining those skills for myself. So I actually think that Ashlyn, a couple years ago, I may have wanted to hear, I, what I wanted to hear was, you’re making the right decision. I wanted to be validated by doctors, by people who I typically refer to as the ones who have the alphabet after their name.
[00:35:06] Can somebody please just tell me, check, you know, you’re making the right choice. Or this is what I would do if it were my child. And I wanted it so desperately that I, it did almost prevent me from going. But I am blessed that because of other experiences before that, right where pain had started to evolve into a guide for my life, a way of understanding what is most important to me.
[00:35:37] It clarifies a lot. Exactly. Because often, you know, pain and fear are often about things we can’t control, right? And what it showed me was that I don’t need guaranteed outcomes to be able to sleep at night. I know that if I don’t give it everything, including the kitchen sink, I won’t be able to sleep at night.
[00:36:03] I won’t be able to look at Emery when she’s an adult and tell her. We tried absolutely everything we could to give you the best quality of life, and that’s what I needed to be able to give her. In order for me to feel good about the mom I am. And that’s what was most important to me at that time.
[00:36:23] So it sounds like maybe you trust in your ability to meet the moment enough that you don’t think you would’ve gone back and told yourself anything? No, I think, and that’s something that, like I said, I’d been thinking about a lot, like how many times if I’d only known this, if I if I’d only held my boundaries or if, or you know, these standards or, you know, all the things I could have done differently.
[00:36:48] But as I said at the beginning of this, I feel like I have lived a thousand lives and become. A thousand new versions of myself, but you don’t become your next self without going through something that carves away at you to reveal it. We don’t grow through the easy no we stay stagnant. And besides small talk, my biggest fear in life is staying stagnant.
[00:37:20] God, can we just let go of small talk? Oh my gosh. We all have a weather app and we all know the traffic patterns at this point. Like, do you know what’s so funny about the weather app? I’m gonna use it every day. I treat my husband like the weather app, and we have an Alexa, like in, literally, like, I’ll ask him what the temperature is and he’ll be like.
[00:37:41] Alexa. I just, oh my goodness. It’s like those basic the basic like things of moving through life. I don’t know why. It’s like I’ve, I have this like faux that’s of publicist. I’m like, I don’t know what I’m, so what’s the weather? I can’t look out the window. I can’t ask my own Alexa.
[00:37:56] I always think, I think it’s, I think it’s more like, I think it’s fair to acknowledge those as high. There’s higher priorities that take up front of mind space. That’s right. That’s right. Things’ so focused on the big things. Right? Yes. It’s okay. We’re not meant to like, you know, and I think that’s another, that’s one point I feel really compelled to bring up in this conversation based on all these things we’ve talked about, you know?
[00:38:20] Yes. thank you for the chance to share what Parent Empowerment Network does, and the Empowered By Hope podcast is about addressing the real hard, the messy like, because as far as we’re concerned, like once you get the news, your child is not okay. You’re living in the messy middle from there on out.
[00:38:36] And it can make you, or it can break you. And we’re there to tell everybody, we promise this will make you. Even with worst case scenario, and that’s a bold statement, but, you know, but it’s one you’ve lived and I exactly. And I’ve seen countless others live, right? But I think it’s so important that everybody, you know, I guess my dream would be if everybody could just realize we are not meant to carry pain and hardship and struggle by ourselves.
[00:39:07] That’s really what Parent Empowerment Network does. That’s really what our podcast does, is it directly says to everybody who gets a chance to interact with us or who we have the honor to meet with. It just says, Hey, you are not expected to hold this alone. You know, put some of that on our plate.
[00:39:24] Let’s hold it together because it’ll be better for everybody. It’s not just you is like, again, that’s what frees you from a victim mentality. You are not the only one who’s ever experienced this. Right. You are not the only one who has suffered this way. And in by no means it’s not to minimize.
[00:39:40] Right. Exactly. It’s not belittling it, it’s not, it’s definitely not dismissing it. But it’s meant to serve as a lighthouse. Right. Our stories are unique. Yes, of course. And so that’s, and I think that’s what is endlessly, I will never be bored having an in-depth. Not small talk with the love of God, but like, I will never I will be endlessly fascinated by other people.
[00:40:01] Because the stories are unique. Yeah. But there is a common thread that we can all see ourselves in or relate to. That, it’s so enriching. Yeah. It’s almost like, maybe because it’s spring and, but I’m thinking it’s like the pain is like the compost. Yeah. Something has to die in rotten decay in order to nurture something new. To grow. Yep. Exactly. And I, and that pain serves as fur. It’s fertilizing the new, the next round of growth. Right. Yeah. It’s not making anything vanish or destroying it, it’s just, but it has to break down to build back up. I think that’s why mosaics are my favorite type of art.
[00:40:39] Yeah. I have such a strong connection to any piece that I see that’s made up of a mosaic. And I remember that coming true for me when my dad had his massive stroke and. You know, he was completely debilitated, couldn’t speak for himself, couldn’t move his own body. He lived like that almost two years. But I remember getting really close to a couple key therapists in his life.
[00:41:04] And I remember just after he passed, I got them both a small gift. It was these little mosaic art pieces for them. And I said, when I saw those, I knew that this was the right thing because you didn’t see my dad as a destroyed person. You saw him as for the broken pieces. He was that to be put back, to be put together into something that was new and beautiful on its own.
[00:41:33] And that’s what I feel like pain has the ability to do for all of us. It’s okay. And I to acknowledge that you are broken. But it’s also just as important to acknowledge that you can be remade into something. You, the old you is gone. You know, when we go through something awful hard, unimaginable it’s really easy to think that I will feel this way forever. There is a finality that we attach to painful experiences and it takes often somebody from the outside to gently help us realize that’s not reality. I often, when I’m in that transition and I’m not aware or I’m just not ready to admit there are either, there’s usually it’s I there’s usually things I wanna carry along with me.
[00:42:28] Yep. It’s like. Like an old dingy snugly blanket or like a stuffed animal that like has like holes worn in and like an eyes popped off. It’s just but I when I’ve gone through those transitions, it’s saying goodbye to maybe friendships that aren’t serving me.
[00:42:42] Yep. Or titles, roles levels of output expectations, stories, ways of being and the way, and to go back to pain as a professor, which is going to be the title. That it’s only when I try to take the old way of being or the old relationship that is no longer serving into my new now reality.
[00:43:04] When it feels anything other than good. Yeah. That’s information exactly that it’s showing me something and. That curiosity over constriction can also for me look like curiosity over criticism. And because that criticism is usually either dialed inward, what’s wrong with me? Right. Or what’s wrong with them?
[00:43:25] Versus , what is happening Exactly. What’s going on? What is this showing me? And I would say probably saying goodbye to relationships or friendships has probably been the hardest. Yeah. The hard, because there is this idea that I’m like if I like it, and it’s like in a possessive way.
[00:43:42] It’s, if I like you forever. And I, and of course that is true. I mean, it, there’s nobody who’s been in my life that’s added value that I don’t appreciate. Right. But but I think that the shedding. Yeah. It’s like I, I want the next thing, but I also don’t wanna let the old thing go.
[00:43:56] Right. And so it’s, I think I’ve spent a lot of time and energy trying to like, pull that thing with me. Whatever it is and whatever that stage. But I think that there’s when you can fully embrace, ’cause what I’m hearing from you is when you can fully embrace I am different now.
[00:44:11] Yep. This is different. This mosaic. I’m not, I may not be able to carry water like I was as a vase. Right. But I’m gonna look really great as this. Yeah. And the other thing I wanna shift to before, before I get to your, don’t cut your own bangs question. What I wanna ask you, you’ve mentioned art a couple of different times.
[00:44:28] And this is to, to reference Dr. Martha Beck again. She has done a lot of incredible work in the last couple years where a way to. Step out of anxiety is not to try to access calm. ’cause we talked about going for a walk, right? So, because as much as I love these big conversations, it can be sometimes like, what is something tangible I can actually hold onto?
[00:44:53] So walking with something we talked about community and connection with something else we talked about, but Art, I wanna talk about that for a moment because that is what my book was for me. Yeah. It was I created something that only that felt like it was to serve me. The process of interacting with that idea was so delightful and so delicious and so fun that I was like, I feel like I’m just the luckiest person that like this is, oh wow, I get to play with this thing.
[00:45:21] Yeah. And it wants to play with me. And I don’t feel that all the time. Like sometimes it’s origami or doodling or coloring with my daughter. But to go back to Dr. Martha Beck’s work that the opposite of anxiety is not calm, it’s creativity. Oh, I love that. And you have by default really spoken through, like just healing through creating.
[00:45:43] Oh, absolutely. And also there’s something about, ’cause calm, there’s something about calm that like, we must be still, and granted I love meditation, but like, I must be still, I must be calm. But when you are holding something that is buzzing and shaking or heavy or hot, like just some emotions are hot, like you, it’s like you wanna move it through your hands or your words or your body and make something, right.
[00:46:06] And you made me, she made me this bracelet before we started this episode. So like, it feels like you have a relationship with creativity too. A hundred percent. Creativity is a lifeline. And I feel like, and the most chaotic moments of my life have been the least I’m my least creative and I think it’s a really.
[00:46:29] Valuable, tangible thing for anybody to take from this conversation is if you are feeling out of control, lean into something as simple as I’m obsessed with those adult, you know, like the coloring books. Yes. You know, for adults to have like tons of different like lines all over the place that you have to be like really specific to keep the marker in there.
[00:46:51] It can’t, I do get a little bugged when it like bleeds over to the next section, but, , it’s okay. I know I’m working through my, , my stressors at that moment. But yes, giving yourself a creative outlet, it’s like taking a big drink of water after you’ve been exercising and you are so parched.
[00:47:07] And I also agree that , calm sounds great in theory, but for me I feel like the more important, like the word that’s become more important or I’m better able to. Absorb is the idea of am I grounded? Are my feet touching the ground? I can still have a lot going on, but when I’m like rising higher, you know, off the ground, ’cause like, I’m like a bird at this point, just flapping my arms so fast, right.
[00:47:35] That I’m actually taking flight. I’m not in my best head space, but when I can just take a moment to literally just ground myself, make sure that my feet are, whether it’s in the grass or sit down like this. And a conversation with a friend, somebody who really knows you is a great moment for that.
[00:47:53] It’s a great way to remind you who you are is somebody else. Sometimes I talk all the time about the value of when you can connect with somebody who feels with you, not just for you. Oh my gosh. It makes the world so much lighter and goodness. I mean, huh. That’s probably if I could have answered the question I asked you a little bit ago, what’s something that you could have if I could have told my former therapist self, like when I very when I first started, you’re there to hold space for people to feel and feel with them.
[00:48:23] Right. Exactly. You’re not there. It’s sacred. Yeah. It’s there’s nothing, one, it’s like, there’s nothing I can tell someone who’s deeply in pain that they’re actually gonna No. , That’s, the words are just like, right. It’s just noise. Yeah. And not to take anything. I’m sure I have clients who have been impacted by words.
[00:48:40] But having a safe space to feel your feelings free of judgment. Is one of the reasons why I love journaling so much, but also doing that in communion Yeah. With another human right who expects nothing of you. I love Elizabeth Gilbert has language I love, like there’s no precious outcome.
[00:48:57] Like I can, that I can sit and have space with you or I can make plans with you or be, and there’s no precious outcome. You don’t have to perform for me. Right. You don’t have to be anything for me. Like we can just be that is what a gift. Yes, that is. I just want to, this conversation has inspired way too many thoughts, but in the best way.
[00:49:15] But something that hit me and then I think we could absolutely move on to Yeah. This the cut your bangs question. But what I’ve realized even in our conversation is that logic is not loud . our emotions are loud and they get louder and louder. The more we. Push them back the more we ignore them.
[00:49:36] Think of your kids until they, when they need your attention. Because they deserve your attention. They do. The best thing we can do is acknowledge those emotions and just, even if it’s as simple as, it’s totally understandable. I feel this way right now. That is such a freeing sentence. Of course, I feel this way right now.
[00:49:58] That was some serious shit that I just went through. Yeah . of course, I feel, and it doesn’t have to make sense when those feelings hit the timing a lot of times feelings for me, I’ve found won’t hit until I’m in a safe space much further down the road. Yes. And it’s like being T-boned, like yes, totally out of the blue.
[00:50:19] But that’s also what happens to kids when they have tantrums. Ah, yeah. They’ll hold. And then when they’re finally either home at the end of the day or something, when the container is so full and they’re finally in a place where they feel safe, they’ll erupt over an orange peel not being peeled correctly.
[00:50:32] Or , or a banana not being peeled correctly. Oh gosh. And it’s not that, don’t even start me on string cheese. God. Oh God. Parenting is fun. The best, but No, but you’re right. Sometimes, I think that’s probably why I cry almost with like every movie and TV show I watch.
[00:50:47] Yeah. Because the emotions are just always right there and I just need a place to let it trickle out. Right. And that’s okay. And I think, but just not judging ourselves for feelings. And then I think once we give that space or the feelings, the sooner we can do that, the sooner that logic, you know, like you, you mentioned multiple times, I know this, then you give logic.
[00:51:13] The space that it needs to speak to you in a calm and quiet manner that you can actually trust. And that’s where I think that those gut feelings truly come from. Those inner knowings are, when you’ve allowed space for the emotions first, given them their due. So then the logic can start to talk to you because it’s never going to yell for your attention.
[00:51:35] No. And I think we want it to, but that’s not the way it works. And that’s okay. A lot of times things make sense in hindsight, oh gosh, hindsight’s 2020. Always. South Park has a great episode. If people if you have just like a dark sense of humor and you wanna laugh at, there’s a character called Captain Hindsight and it’s really funny.
[00:51:54] . So yeah, a lot of times things don’t make sense until we’re. A little bit more removed from them. Yep. And some what I have found to be helpful, I’ve noticed you using your hands. Yeah. And I find when I am, when my mind is really active and I need it to stop or slow down or I just i’ll sometimes even throw my hands up. Yeah. And I’ll say, and even saying. I’m feeling something and just to myself in my kitchen. ’cause I’m almost always , because I work from home, I’m either like in my office or in my kitchen, like I’m feeling something. As soon as you did that, it’s gonna show on video.
[00:52:25] I like saw from the corner of my eye myself, naturally going, whew. Yeah. Just sound like inhale. Exhale. Yes. It’s like something is being felt. Something’s happening. I don’t know what it is, but something’s happening. And I think, in a lot of ways too, like that’s how we have these internal smoke signals.
[00:52:42] Yeah. And it’s the same way, like your smoke detector in your house doesn’t know the difference between burnt toast and something on fire, right? But it will beep when it senses. Yeah. When it senses something. And so my body is like sensing something. Is this a threat?
[00:52:56] Are we safe? Yes, we’re safe. Oh, we’re likely. We just needed water. We’re just dehydrated. Uhhuh. Or we just, yeah. So any number of things. But that was so good. Thank you. And yes, I would love, love, love to know your don’t cut your own bang moment. And for anybody who is new to the podcast, ’cause I think there are some new people here.
[00:53:15] Thank you for being here. Don’t cut Your own bang moment is a moment where you went all in on something like cutting your own bangs, you grabbed some scissors, you watched a YouTube video, you’re like, I got this. And you go, and then, oh no, this wasn’t what I thought it would be. But the value in a don’t Cut Your own Bang moment is not only that we can share in the silliness of humanity and mistakes, but also like maybe we learn something from it.
[00:53:42] So, Ashlyn? Yes. I would love to hear your Don’t cut your own bang moment. Oh my goodness. I think that there’s probably a plethora of them. Oh, of course. And, let’s see here. I’m even, I tried to have one prepared, and then I got excited about the rest of our conversation. Oh my gosh. Don’t worry. So, okay I’ll share one.
[00:53:58] So what’s a good, don’t a good, oh. I invited my husband to record a podcast with me because I thought it would just be, , fun to bring him back on. And what I realized was I didn’t prepare him for it at all. I just set up lights and set up a camera and asked him to sit. And he was so, visibly like he was trying, he was sitting, he was trying.
[00:54:23] But I could just tell, again, something’s happening. And I could tell he was a little uncomfortable and a little stiff. And I kept, because our eyes look out. My first assumption is, what’s wrong out there? And I was like, what are you okay? What’s wrong? And he he was , I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing.
[00:54:41] And then I was like. Oh, no, it was snip the bangs. I didn’t provide any context. I didn’t give him any preparation for what we’d be talking about, why we’d be talking like he had no context. And the whole setup is different, uhhuh. And it was such a humbling, settling moment of context.
[00:55:04] It’s I’m writing something right now about this idea of play. I’m a freedom loving, freedom seeking play hungry, greedy person right now. I want more play. I could never get enough. But what makes play feel fun and safe is to understand the context. Yeah. , There’s rules in a game.
[00:55:20] Otherwise, what is it? And I, my first instinct is to buck. Rules. I don’t like ingredient lists. I don’t like recipes. I just wanna feel my way through it. But, if you wanna make a beautiful croissant, you can’t just feel your way through that. There’s a very exacting way to do it. And so, it, it was such a one, I’m endlessly grateful for him and his patients with me.
[00:55:40] I’m grateful that , our dynamics not new, so he probably knew what was going on, but just did yeah he’s pretty sweet that way. But I, it was such a refresher that , if I wanna create a space and container to play safely with people Yeah. I need to give them the context. Absolutely. And it doesn’t matter how long I’ve known someone, how well I know someone.
[00:55:59] I laughed at myself because I, the part of the reason why it feels funny to me, but in like a humbling way. I thought the problem was him for like the first 15 minutes. I was like, what dude? Relax. I was like, what? Is he doing it right?
[00:56:12] Yeah. like come on. And I was like. Oh no. Context. Zero. Oh my goodness. So that was a great one. Thank you. Okay, I’m gonna do mine in like short seconds because this one just hap this that inspired me perfectly. So my 8-year-old son and I are both going to the same therapist right now.
[00:56:30] I’m a believer everybody should have at least an annual checkup with a therapist, but that’s a great endorsement. Everyone should have an you annual checkup. You welcome, reach out to Danielle, she’s fantastic. If you live in Indiana, by all means. If not, we’ll help you find someone. Yes. And also order the book.
[00:56:44] Yes, order the book. Get resting the wall risk. Get treasured. Yes. But go on please. So anyway one, one of the things that my I, the reason I love the person we’re working with is because she’s the first therapist I’ve worked with when it comes to, with my kids, she actually tells me what I can work on rather than just , you’re doing the best you can and like you just love ’em.
[00:57:03] And like, yes, I know, but that is not helping me. And so one of the things that got pointed out to me. Was so Cole , has very low frustration tolerance, like more so than is necessarily healthy for an 8-year-old. And of course with all the trauma with our his sister, our journey, it’s understandable.
[00:57:22] So we’re working on that. What she kindly pointed out to me was, okay, we could work on his, but do you also realize that your tolerance for acceptable emotions is about this big? Oh, she’s , therapist, be therapist Uhhuh. She’s , but there’s like a whole lot more emo like, she’s , it’s like a whole rainbow.
[00:57:42] We need a whole arc for acceptable emotions. She’s so you need to stop making it your responsibility to control which emotions he experiences. And it’s up to you to provide the solid ground for him no matter which emotion comes up for him. And I will say that has changed my parenting in the last week.
[00:58:04] More than maybe anything has like faster than anything. Because all of a sudden I’m like, of course it’s acceptable that his sister just made him extremely mad. Of course it’s understandable that he’s jealous or sad or excited or whatever the feeling is, but it also doesn’t define him as right or wrong, what emotions he’s experiencing in that moment.
[00:58:28] And the big thing was the realization that every emotion he experiences is not a direct reflection of who I am as a parent. No. Because that was what I needed to let go of that any emotion that is considered negative that my child has doesn’t mean. That I’m doing a bad job as a parent. Oh my God.
[00:58:49] That is one. What a beautiful. Don’t cut. Thank you. With Dr. Sarah. Yes. Thank you, Dr. Sarah. You’d be therapizing all up in that session. That was so good. And it’s the, that to me is a great example that hard truths can always be delivered with kindness. Yeah. But I think the big important thing there is you had the right context.
[00:59:12] Exactly. You went to her for that information. Right. It wasn’t like someone on the street. But the thing that we can’t give someone what we don’t have. Exactly. And I actually think that what you just said, if there was ever an endorsement for what. Self-care actually is not the commoditized, right.
[00:59:29] Faux sense of, I’m gonna create a problem and I’m going to prescribe collagen. Did you know that the reason why, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah is these things that you need to buy and, oh, my program for blah, blah, blah, blah. And I’m gonna, I have all that stuff. I’m not I’m wanna, I wanna keep it in perspective.
[00:59:45] I am drinking the same Kool-Aid ’cause I’m getting sent the same algorithm ads that we’re all getting sent. Like I’m doing colostrum now. I don’t even know. Like, I just, because I was like, my gut might grow up I own, but anyway but I think self-care and the best possible context is when you nurture.
[01:00:03] And heal yourself. It becomes the medicine. Yes. Yes. And the offering for the other people in your life that you love most. It’s like as you increase your own palette of what you’re able to allow yourself to experience, you’re then also able to see it in your son and give it to him. That is so beautiful and it’s hard.
[01:00:26] Sometimes, but it’s some God that a well timed, articulated loving truth like that can change your life. Yeah. That is amazing. Thank you. I don’t know, we can’t top that. That was good. We’re good. That was real good. Ashlyn Thompson, thank you so much for coming back and we’re going to have you back.
[01:00:43] You have to come back. Yes. And you’re coming over to Empowered by Hope very soon. I would love that so much. And Yes. And so all of the ways, if you or anyone you know in your life has been impacted by a little one with complex me complex medical issues and you want some support, you want some information, you want some resources.
[01:01:01] The link in the show notes will have every way that you can connect with Ashlyn, her business partner, and what was formally Charlotte’s Hope Foundation, what is now the Parent Empowerment Network. Pick up all the books, all the resources, everything I talked about too for my stuff is also in there.
[01:01:16] But , it’s all linked for you there. So I hope that you get what you need and. Thanks so much, . Oh my gosh.
[01:01:21] If you’ve ever wanted to pick up journaling, but you didn’t know where to start and you just found yourself staring at a blank page, or maybe you’re someone who has journaled off and on your whole life, but you want to take the work a little deeper, I have something for you. It’s called the Treasure Journal.
[01:01:35] It is something that I made originally intended for my therapy clients who I would give some homework to do or some things to write down and process in their own time, and they would come back. With the most enriched insights that could really help us take their work to a whole new place. Journaling is something I believe in deeply.
[01:01:53] It’s something that I use in my personal life as well as my therapy practice with clients. Even if you don’t find that you need a tool like this, I hope that you can access a journal somewhere in your life. I made this with you in mind. If you have ever felt stuck in that process, you don’t have to feel stuck.
[01:02:11] You don’t have to be alone. The journal is broken down into seven key areas of your life with stories. Sentence stems from my therapy practice, questions that I use with clients all the time, and all intended to guide you a little deeper with a little bit more safety and context. There’s beautiful blank space at the end for you to do your own processing at your own rate and speed.
[01:02:32] Hop on over to the show notes and grab a copy of your treasure journal today.
[01:02:36] Danielle: Thank you so much for tuning into this week’s episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs. I hope that you enjoyed it because I thoroughly enjoyed making it. I believe the best things in life are shared, and so not only the process of making this at so much value, joy in my life, but being able to share it with you makes it tenfold 10 x better.
[01:02:57] So thank you for being here. I also wanna remind you that the best way for the podcast to grow and for more people to find it, and it’s through algorithm and tech things that I don’t fully understand. But I do know this, that when you rate review and subscribe to the podcast, it actually helps the podcast grow.[01:03:12] So let me know what you think. How can I make it better? Or if you loved it and you just wanna gimme a compliment, I will gladly accept that too. But thank you so much for being here, and I hope that you continue to have an incredible day.
