Finding Joy in Uncertainty

Finding Joy in Uncertainty

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[00:00:00] Hello, hello, and welcome back to Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs. Today’s episode is the final part of our best Lessons of the Year series, and this is dedicated to the part of you that is exhausted trying to figure it out, it being everything, because some seasons don’t come with clean answers.

[00:00:19] Some problems don’t get solved in a tidy timeline as much as we want them to. And when you’re stuck in survival mode long enough, you start living for the after, after the diagnosis, after the conflict, after the burnout, after things calm down after the holidays. But if after. Isn’t a place you arrive?

[00:00:38] What if after is a story we tell ourselves so that we can keep pushing through to the next day? And in this episode, what we’re really talking about is surrendering the outcome, not in a giving up kind of way, but in a coming back to life as it is way. We’re also gonna be talking about finding joy on purpose, especially when it doesn’t feel easy or natural.

[00:01:02] You’re gonna hear a powerful perspective on living in the gray, where science doesn’t always have the answers as much as we want it to, and what it can look like to stop burning your energy and trying to force certainty. Then I’m going to give you something practical. A few anchors for your energy, small, doable supports that you can return to when you’re depleted, overwhelmed, or stuck in the momentum of your day.

[00:01:26] So grab your tea, grab your water, or your car keys, get out of the house, or put your walking shoes on. If you’re somewhere with decent weather, whatever you’re doing while you’re listening, take a deep breath with me Because you deserve calm without having to earn it. And you don’t have to wait for everything to be fixed or for every gift to be wrapped to give yourself the space and time. You’ve got this. Let’s jump in together. I wanna start us off with a conversation that really, it just, it brought my head in my heart to a place that I hadn’t been before. We’re gonna have a conversation with Dr. Tasha Faruqui. She has started off as just a friend of the podcast and has now become, it feels like a friend for life. And what is. And was so powerful about her story is that she is in real time, actively doing all of the things she’s saying.

[00:02:19] So often when I invite any sort of expert, coach, a creator on the podcast, and I’ll include myself in this too. Almost always the, the insight is shared from the perspective of hindsight. It’s shared from what I overcame, what I experienced. Once upon a time, this is what I dealt with, but now here I am in my new place, and now I’m going to share my wisdom from here.

[00:02:44] But Tasha is experiencing and seeing her life in real time and as. Raw and real and generous as anyone could possibly be. She’s sharing that experience with us alongside us as she’s in her journey. Her daughter Soray, is in palliative care. She’s her middle of three daughters. And I encourage anybody who hasn’t already listened to this entire episode, definitely, definitely when you have more time, space, or capacity, make time for this episode because it is a gem.

[00:03:15] But her daughter has a rare disorder, there’s no treatment for, and Soray is slowly dying and she knows it, the family knows it. And this is something that on the surface would make. I think many people wanna lean away. I don’t wanna think about that. I, I, I don’t wanna imagine that, or, oh, put the wall up of Oh, how hard that must be.

[00:03:39] But what I would invite you to listen to is not necessarily to put yourself in her shoes, because that would be a tall order, but to really appreciate in a way that I don’t know if anybody else could possibly help us. Appreciate that. When you see yourself as an expert, when you are someone who has the knowledge, she herself is a pediatrician.

[00:04:04] Her husband is an orthopedic surgeon. Two doctors who have a child with a medical diagnosis that there is no treatment for. When I talk conceptually about control, how you can’t outthink your feelings, you can’t think your way out of a feeling problem, that in the absence of control what you realize, you never had it.

[00:04:24] All you had was anxiety. Those all sound very bumper stickery. They’re very memeable. They can definitely flash up on a social media post and maybe grab some attention, but what she is embodying, Dr. Tasha, what she is embodying is. The humbling reality that she and her husband cannot outthink, outsmart out, educate what their daughter is experiencing, and then how do we collectively as a family to use.

[00:04:53] This is actually a quote from Sariah. How do we suck the joy out of life? What does it mean to live in the now, not after we get better, because that after isn’t going to come in the way that. They would maybe have wished it would. How do we continue to find joy after? These are all things that she has explored and so generously opens up to us in this conversation as well as her book, which she was on the podcast to promote.

[00:05:20] So like naming your survival mode. It’s just if we’re always chasing, getting there. Then we never arrive and our life is always now. It’s never there. It’s always now. So what does it mean to be here now and to suck the joy out of life now even when we are facing something we don’t want, when we’re facing a challenge that feels impossible or insurmountable, and then in a way that I, , can espouse to conceptually, Dr.

[00:05:50] Tasha invites us through sharing her story. To really see an embodied example of this and how not only did it change Tasha’s life, but it changed Sariah’s life and it changed her daughter’s life. It changed her husband’s life when they all collectively made a decision to live. How can we live and make the most squeeze the most juice out of today?

[00:06:12] Also, accepting the uncertainty without abandoning hope that there. That there is something worth living for. And one of the strongest takeaways that I got from this too, and then I’ll let you listen to the clip, is that when you surrender the need for control, what you get is a reclamation of energy.

[00:06:36] Because what you ultimately realize, and I have to constantly remember in my own ways. I never had control, and that’s a scary thing to admit, especially in a world that feels very loud, very noisy, and very scary. I don’t have control over anything outside of me. What I choose to think, what I choose to do, that’s where I have the most influence.

[00:06:59] That’s the only place I really have influence. And so releasing that need to control that allows me to pour more energy into me. I cannot wait for you to hear this clip, and if you feel so inclined, definitely listen to the full episode. All the links will be in the show notes.

[00:07:14] But for now, get ready to sit back, relax, and listen to Dr. Tasha Faruqui.

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[00:07:18] Speaker 2: I had quoted that I’d like to read to you and then have you speak to it if you’re open to it. That science doesn’t always have the answers and there are some issues in life that simply cannot be fixed yet. We continue to find happy moments and celebrate beauty, the beauty of what we have. That seemed to, I think, bookend this, the head and the heart for me.

[00:07:38] And I love that you also said that this is an ongoing, this is a a, I’m still learning this. I’m still coming into new expressions of this, but I’d love to hear you speak to that a little bit more of what it’s like to be in a grounded medical, double blind meta analysis medical journal world, and then also live in this world that feels liminal and loose and very much heart and spirit driven and.

[00:08:09] That is

[00:08:10] Speaker 3: hard to summarize in words. Fair. Fair. However, it’s been recent, so again, RA is 13. I don’t think that I would ever be able to express myself or our joy in that way until about three years ago, and so that is something to just point out that. Again, at the point of me sharing our story and sharing our joy and how we do this thing called life, we have not always been doing that, and I think that’s really important to acknowledge that I’ve been in survival mode, I’ve been in survival mode for the majority of her life, and I have been under this thought life.

[00:08:50] I’m making up a word. I don’t know if that’s a thing where love. Yes. Where if I just get through it, yeah. I will get there. Where is there? I don’t know. Mm-hmm. Where is through? There is no through you just you’re, you’re just in it and you just continue to follow the ebbs and flows and prior to this shift in how we look at things and I can, I can tell you what brought upon that shift.

[00:09:13] There was a little bit of a shift of learning to accept that Sariah may never have a diagnosis. So that was an actual turning point. And that turning point came when we had ruled out everything that. Could be life limiting and she just didn’t fit anything. And so really trying to accept the gray, accepting the gray doesn’t mean that I’m accepting joy, though.

[00:09:35] That is just acknowledging that science has a limitation and I’m gonna stop using up energy in a way that is not going to benefit not only her, but our family. And there was a point where we had tunnel vision where nothing else mattered. And I say this with. Regret in the sense that these siblings of children with medical complexity or medical acuity sometimes get lost along the way.

[00:10:04] And I will say that in my mind, in that time, we had such tunnel vision that if we can just figure out Sara and what she has, we can get back to the life we planned. Mm-hmm. And that was really the first three years of her life. As soon as we took a step back saying, okay, we’re not. We’re not gonna get there.

[00:10:20] There’s acceptance, but acceptance is still not, again, co coexisting with joy. As far as when that shift happened in how the quote that you’re, you’re mentioning actually kinda came to be, was unexpected in the sense that it was when she entered into palliative care and hospice. That to me was the true feeling of surrender.

[00:10:43] Okay. I have no control. I have no control in what is going to happen. My medical skills, my resources, my finances, my anger, my passion, none of it, and enter Make-A-Wish. I’m like, great. Make-A-Wish is going to give me a trip wrong. They’re gonna change my life. And it’s not just for Sariah, it was for the whole family and it was completely unexpected.

[00:11:10] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[00:11:10] Speaker 3: RI said she wanted to go to Hawaii and that was right when she started on her ventilator. She has a G-tube, a ventilator, a glucose monitor. We had never gotten on a plane with her and she wanted

[00:11:23] Speaker 2: to surf.

[00:11:23] Speaker 3: Right? She wanted to surf.

[00:11:24] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[00:11:25] Speaker 3: I will just say that if she ever said that to me, I would never be like, I would never agree to it and so here she was telling Make-A-Wish this, and I was so scared.

[00:11:34] I was like, I don’t know how they’re gonna do this, but you know, they’re gonna make the magic happen. Great. Let’s make her dreams come true. What had happened on that trip was the realization that they do make things happen, and there are ways to do things that have never been done before, and there’s a way to meet her where she’s at, and as soon as that restriction of logistics and stress of the.

[00:11:59] Planning and the prep was taken off of my shoulders. We had so much fun, all of

[00:12:05] Speaker 2: us. The way, and I don’t have the right words to articulate it, but the experience of listening to you and feeling your words land on me. What the way you’re describing being held by the Make-A-Wish Foundation feels so similar to the way that nurse held you in that office, like being seen and being held.

[00:12:24] Uh, I didn’t anticipate crying so much. And also this leads me to something I actually do wanna talk to you about, which is watching other people experience the impact of your journey and what, in terms of like empathy, fatigue, just having to bear witness to people experiencing a journey that you are lived.

[00:12:44] And many people are probably playing catch up to. I just wanna, and I don’t know if that’s really even a question, I just want to acknowledge that you’re, that’s probably also an additional five pounds on that pack that you carry. Moving through life is sort of waiting for people to experience their own feelings while you’re waiting to get to Okay.

[00:13:01] Yeah. That was a part of my story. Yeah. 10 years ago that Whew. Yeah. And then like, wait, wait. Um, this is the first I’m hearing of this. Thank you. I guess is maybe a be better thing to say is Thank you, but please take me back. So your make a wish is. Saying, okay, we’re gonna figure this out. We’re gonna do something that’s never been done and we are gonna make the impossible possible or the seemingly impossible possible.

[00:13:21] Speaker 3: Well, I will say I don’t feel like they even hesitated. I think all of those words of hesitations were inner. They were my own. They never said there was nothing impossible. I had created. Boundaries on her because she had special needs. I had created these restrictions. How can she go on a plane with a ventilator?

[00:13:40] Mm-hmm. None of these things were ever told to me. These were beliefs that I carried that were getting in the way.

[00:13:45] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[00:13:46] Speaker 3: Make-A-Wish. Just said they were gonna do it. And I was skeptical the whole time. I was like, okay, sure. This gonna be amazing. Okay. And when we got there, it was pure magic. While, yes, it’s wonderful to be in this beautiful space of Hawaii.

[00:14:01] It taught all of us. What if just took away these restrictions that we created in our mind? What if we all made a list of what we wanted to do?

[00:14:12] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[00:14:13] Speaker 3: What if we control what we can control and let’s make these memories happen, even though alongside. Her health is changing and things are getting worse.

[00:14:24] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[00:14:25] Speaker 3: And so it was that trip that our motto of suck the joy outta life came to be because suck is such like a strong, aggressive word, but that’s mm-hmm. Of like how we really feel about it. Like you have to actually seek it. I think that we were just waiting for things to get better. We were waiting for joy to just fall into our lap.

[00:14:46] And we were getting really burnt out and sad that nothing was going our way. And so really, if we could be intentional about finding it in the ways that we can control, no, no. Granted, we, no, we can’t go to Hawaii every other month, but these bucket list items have been, you know, anywhere from trips or concerts to putting your toe in the ocean once a year.

[00:15:11] Having s’mores by a campfire, being in the woods once a year as a family, dancing together. Sometimes it’s just a food item.

[00:15:19] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

[00:15:20] Speaker 3: Sometimes it’s just going to dinner together and we’ve had to change what that looks based on psoriasis health, and so that is where that quote comes from in the sense of.

[00:15:31] We had to surrender, finding an answer. We had to surrender, trying to save her, and we had to also live. I also think that when you’re in this, it’s almost like you’re living parallel lives and at some point you have to allow all of it to be one. And they did the same with my identity as a physician.

[00:15:54] Speaker 2: Yeah.

[00:15:54] Speaker 3: Or my identity as a mother. There’s a saying of put your mom hat on. Put your doctor hat on and just recently I’ve realized I don’t have any hats. I am all one. I can’t actually break myself apart, and the sooner I let that blend, the better my perspective and my ability to cope.

[00:16:14] Speaker 2: There’s another element to the shift that happened that you invited in.

[00:16:19] By saying yes to Hawaii, yes. To getting your kids on a surfboard, like you said. Yes. But that there’s this shift to maybe not exactly curiosity, although it could be, but possibility, like there are questions in terms of emotionally processing. There are questions that either Ill timed or ill placed can really.

[00:16:43] Deplete injury. Like why? Why did this happen to me? Why can’t I figure this out? Terrible, that’s corrosive. That’s a downward spiral so fast. But how and what? Like what if we did this? How could that work? What would that look like? How would it feel? Those questions, those types of questions can help you.

[00:17:10] Access something new where not that Y is never a good question, but when it is placed like before, when it’s placed in the front, it’s such a recipe for spiraling and shame and feeling depleted. But maybe why not?

[00:17:27] Speaker 3: Yes, actually we actually have said that. Like why not? I think that is important. I, I will also say that for all humans listening.

[00:17:35] We did that. We spiraled a lot in the why us, the anger, the rage. But there’s also a lot of shame in that, in the sense that we kept that very private. And so I think that also was a reason for compartmentalizing my life as a parent of a child with complex needs as well as being a physician that we did that I would have just sessions of sobbing and pleading and, um.

[00:18:03] Say that. ’cause I wanna normalize all of it. Like I, I don’t want to come across as, oh my gosh, life is so great. Like it’s, you know, it’s incredibly brutal and it’s incredibly beautiful and there’s a lot of work in allowing all, but I will say that we, to those dark places mm-hmm. We have awful thoughts and we have made.

[00:18:27] Some big mistakes along the way. So I do want to just normalize the human experience because again, many times people see my title or they’ll see my social media or they see that I published a book that you know, oh, here I am adding to society’s idea of that one’s got it all together. And honestly, I am here to share my mess.

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[00:18:52] Okay, so as we transition from. That beautiful part of a conversation with Dr. Tasha and myself. We’re gonna then transition into what it actually looks like to anchor your energy. What are some tangible, tactile things that you can do and apply? Some key takeaways that I want to offer as we bridge the gap from what we just listened to and what we’re about to listen to next.

[00:19:15] Surrender may sound abstract, but. We’re gonna try to make it usable. And a concept you can actually apply. And the other thing that I want to extend, particularly during the holiday season, if you find yourself listening during the holiday season joy often doesn’t arrive. Rarely is joy, a gift bestowed, but it’s a choice and it’s something pursued.

[00:19:41] It’s an internal barometer. That we can lean into and some days are easier than others to find it. But what I would invite, and also caution so that it doesn’t lean into creating something like toxic positivity. Like if you’re really struggling, suffering, having a to a hard day, maybe reaching for joy isn’t, isn’t accessible, nor would it feel helpful.

[00:20:05] But something that I like to think of is if I know that joy is where I wanna be. But it’s not where I am right now. It would feel like a betrayal to try to force myself into something Pollyanna-ish positive. But what I could do is similar to, you know, when the sun starts to set right, it’s getting darker sooner here where I am in the world and the stars become more visible, planets become more visible, and the darker it gets, the more those points of light are visible to me.

[00:20:36] And maybe if you are not feeling particularly joyful, allow joy to exist like a constellation in the night sky. There may be darkness around of you, but there are points of light. And even in the daylight hours, the stars are still there. It’s just our capacity or ability to see them is what’s limited. So sometimes what I do when I’m really coming to the end of a hard day.

[00:21:01] I don’t give myself a harder time by not feeling better ’cause believe I’ve done it and it’s, gosh, I should be feeling better. This, this should be a more joyful season. But sometimes what’s more accessible without being punishing I think of it like.

[00:21:17] Like a star in the night sky. I might be feeling more like the night sky than I am that shining point of light. But I know that the light is there and that gives me an opportunity, one to just remember that joy exists, that the only thing that exists is not just my problem, not just my stress, not just this tough interaction I’ve just had.

[00:21:37] That is not the only thing that exists, and it allows me to broaden my focus a little bit, and in that I’m able to breathe a little deeper. I’m able to get just a little bit more grounded and then I like to think of shifting that energy in a one degree shift, one little baby degree at a time. So maybe joy wouldn’t be genuine for me to try to access in those knee deep struggling in the trench moments.

[00:22:03] But what is one teeny tiny thing? That I can access, that I can reach for, and sometimes it’s as simple as lighting a candle. Sometimes it’s as simple as making myself a cup of tea. Sometimes it’s as simple as rubbing my dog’s head, but I like look for what’s one little teeny tiny thing I can do. Breathe, sip, saver.

[00:22:29] Something sweet, but doing something sweet for myself and then remembering that there’s always more to the stories or there’s always a broader picture than whenever I’m fixated on, no matter how painful it is, no matter how stressed I am. Now I wanna shift to clips from this solo cast where we’re gonna talk about anchoring your energy.

[00:22:47] This is the tangible, this is like things you can walk away with, tools you can apply. Some points that I want you to focus on are things that I want you to keep in mind as you’re listening. If surrender is a mindset, the anchor is the method, right? So we’re talking about surrender conceptually. I love talking about concepts, but sometimes clients are like, okay, cool, but what do I actually do?

[00:23:08] This is what is coming up next. Burnout equals that. Your system is asking you to do something different. So when you’re experiencing burnout, if you are in a season of burnout, I just want you to know that once you see yourself there, that means your system, your body, your mind, your soul, your essence is saying, please, please do something different for us.

[00:23:26] But that does not mean you’re failing. Burnout is not a symptom of failure. It is a symptom of fatigue. And that anchors metaphorically, right? They create stability, turbulence, and so that’s what these practices are gonna help you do is create some stability in turbulence. Okay? Without further ado, here we go.

[00:23:45] Anchors of energy. Let’s take a listen together.

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[00:23:51] Speaker: You identify that you are in burnout or you have hit that wall, this is where recognition becomes a turning point, not an indication of a falter failing that I think sometimes working in a helping profession, and as someone who has consumed a lot of self-help over the years, there can be sometimes getting lost in the work of self-development.

[00:24:13] What is the point? And I would say this is the point when you can see yourself in a process. You’re then out of the process because you can’t be completely aware and in at the same time. So once you recognize, oh, I’m in burnout, you now have access to a fork in the road, I’m splitting my fingers like the fork in the road.

[00:24:33] I can either keep doing the same thing and will likely yield the same results or will intensify the discomfort that I’m in. But with this new sense of recognition, I have an opportunity to redirect and try something new. And so that recognition, that awareness, and that work. Is creating an opportunity for you?

[00:24:51] Let’s talk about anchors of energy. An anchor helps you create some stability in a time that may otherwise feel turbulent. The currents of life are going to continue to have their demands, but the anchor keeps you rooted in yourself so you’re not anchoring in a system, you’re not anchoring in a role. If you’re not anchoring in a to-do list or an obligation, you’re anchoring into yourself in this new, or I would say renewed sense of commitment to honoring the truth of what your body has been trying to tell you.

[00:25:25] You’re gonna re-anchor in this sense of awareness and honor it. For example, a walk outside. Now I know when you are in the midst of something hard and heavy, you’re like, oh, walk. You want me to walk? Yes. Yes, I want you to walk and I would even venture to say commit to the walk regardless of the weather, as I have continued to do that over the last couple years.

[00:25:49] I remember the first time I was out on a walk, it was a couple of years ago, I think I was between babies, it was before Luke, but after Logan, I was on a walk and an unexpected scattered shower came, and I just started getting dumped on and I started calling people in a panic hoping that someone would be available to pick me up.

[00:26:07] And I ended up getting hold of a friend who at the time was an ultra marathon runner. Like that’s an insane hobby, but like good, good for her. But she was an ultra marathon runner. But they have to train for these ultra marathons and all kinds of crazy conditions because the training schedule doesn’t change because the weather changed.

[00:26:25] You just train through it. That has not always been my personality. That’s not usually the way that I approach things. I like to be cozy, hence the tea and the sweater. But I started getting rained on. She was the person who picked up and she was like, just walk in the rain, man. Just get wet. And that was a huge turning point for me that if I wanna walk, I don’t have to wait for the perfect conditions to do it.

[00:26:49] I can just do it. And in particular, this last summer, I live in the Midwest. I live in Indiana somehow, even though we are completely landlocked, our summers are like the most epic Miami heat and humidity. We, we have all the heat and humidity of living in the south or by water without the benefit of the beach.

[00:27:10] But it was hot and I would just make sure I hydrated well and I would sweat it out. But that commitment to myself was really replenishing. And though I know I had mentioned earlier that some of the thing, when you’re in burnout, some of the things that normally bring you joy, you experience them differently in burnout, that’s okay because walking was an anchor.

[00:27:31] It’s a really good gauge for me on how I’m doing. If I am maybe really needing to lighten up and not feel so serious, I find myself leaning into maybe a more humorous podcast. I’m really enjoying Amy PO’s podcast, the Lonely Island, and Seth Meyers podcast, Mike Rabias working in Out podcast. Podcast where comedians are talking with other comedians about funny things.

[00:27:54] If I’ve had a really hard, heavy day, that’s typically where my walk is. If I am working out an idea. I’m really sitting with a new process or there’s just something that’s like really present on my mind or in my heart, and I wanna be present with it. Sometimes I’ll walk with nothing, no AirPods, no noise, no conversation.

[00:28:13] It’s just me and my thoughts. Now, when I was, once I recognized I was burnout, I turned my walks into a moving meditation. So I had my AirPods in, but there was no noise, and I would just fully have a conversation with myself. In full transparency, the AirPods just gave me. The, it gave me the way to get out of my own head and worry about what people thought when they saw me fully having a conversation.

[00:28:37] Obviously, like big picture, no one gives a shit. Nobody was watching me that closely, but it just gave me the freedom and permission to not worry about being embarrassed and just do what I needed to do. But I’ll sometimes take my feelings for walks and process it as I move. Now that I’m out of burnout, I fully have reclaimed my journaling practice, my meditation practice, but the.

[00:28:58] Talking to myself and moving at the same time was really helpful. It could be a five minute walk outside, but what I have found too is with your anchors, if you keep the time commitment small and you keep the, what you’re actually committing to feeling light impossible. Once you actually start engaging with it, you oftentimes will find out really quickly you can give a little bit more than you thought you could.

[00:29:24] You can make a little bit more time for it than you thought you could. It’s more. The thing that sometimes shuts you down or prevents you from even starting is the belief you have before doing the thing. Oh, I don’t have time for that walk. I don’t have time to do that thing. And then you end up making time and you realize, oh, this is exactly what I need to be doing, so I’m just gonna keep doing that.

[00:29:42] Another great anchor is we’re looking at your relationship with your phone. And for me, I don’t let myself get on social media or email before sleep. Now sometimes I just. Want to let myself watch a little TV or whatever, and I am really gentle and kind with myself about that, but things that can activate me when I am in burnout, in ways that just can become more destructive than helpful social media.

[00:30:12] And then email, mostly because what emails activate is a sense that there’s more to do and I can’t let myself get off the clock. Those two commitments are an anchor for me, and if I can put the phone away completely. Like about an hour before sleep, and then also first thing in the morning, I, an anchor is before touching my phone, I try to touch a living thing, my dog, my husband, a child, and sometimes my child is my alarm and is touching my face and breathing heavy into my mouth before my eyes opened.

[00:30:48] So sometimes life just presents me with all of these beautiful opportunities, but the relationship with the folk or tech in general can be a really key place to starve for people that are navigating burnout. The other is I will drink water before coffee. Caffeine is definitely a drug of choice for me when I’m in burnout, mostly because everything is just a little bit off.

[00:31:07] I’m not sleeping great, which means I may not be eating as well, which could be impacting how I feel in the morning. And so I feel like I need a little bit more of a boost to get going, or I need more of a boost throughout the day because. What I need might be to rest or move outside or be gentle, but instead I’m convinced I need to keep fueling.

[00:31:24] And so I’ll reach for caffeine. An anchor is I will squeeze half a lemon in my water, maybe add a little pinch of pink kalee and sea salt, and I will drink it all before I have my coffee. So I’m not telling myself I can’t have the thing that I love, which is coffee, but I’ll hydrate. Well, before I lean into that.

[00:31:42] Usually that results in me drinking less coffee. I’ll even take that sometimes a step further and I’ll limit myself to one, maybe even one and a half cups of coffee, and then I’ll switch to something else. And even this last most recent time that I was in burnout, I just, for maybe about five days, I just drank matcha tea in the morning.

[00:32:03] It was just something I was trying playing around with. The other element that can be helpful to keep in mind is. It’s your commitment to you and it’s led by your own needs, and no one knows you better than you. These are suggestions to get the creative wheels turning, but let it be personal to you. And what matters is it feels like something you can commit to, not something you’re punishing yourself with.

[00:32:25] A big reason why I don’t tell myself I can’t have coffee is because as soon as I tell myself I have to eliminate something, I immediately wanna rebel. It’s just like this internal childish response. I’m not gonna judge myself for it. I’m just gonna honor it and know that it’s there, but I’ll hydrate.

[00:32:39] Well first another is finding where I need to be saying no in my life, and that can take the form of rescheduling something, canceling something, not making myself available. The no doesn’t always have to be harsh cutoff, but what it does is it gives me an opportunity to create a barrier between. My energy reserve and my energy output.

[00:33:05] Sometimes our anxieties or our stresses and our worries, they come up because when we feel discomfort in the moment, there’s a part of us that worries. Is it gonna be like this forever? If I say no to this one thing, if I push back in this one way, if I cancel this plan, will I lose the opportunity forever?

[00:33:21] No. Burnout is temporary. Healing is a process, and this won’t last forever, but it will continue if we don’t honor it. Let’s wrap it up. Let’s bring back everything we’ve shared so far. Burnout does not mean that you failed. It is your body really trying to call you back to yourself and call to your attention, Hey, we need something different.

[00:33:41] We need to do something different. We need support. Now. This week I would invite you to look for one AC that you can commit to. I invite you to find something that is kind, something that feels doable, and notice how it feels.

[00:34:00] If cooking during the holidays feels overwhelming. And it definitely can, or if you just wanna bring a little bit more joy and intention back into your kitchen. Let me introduce my friend, Sarah Kleinknecht She is your new secret ingredient. She’s been a private chef for 20 years and she cooks for celebrities.

[00:34:17] She cooks for families, and she shares. Simple game changing recipes, tips and techniques that make everyday meals feel nourishing and fun. She believes that food is medicine. It’s better to have quality over quantity. And she says, oh, that looks so yummy a lot. She really does. And honestly, it is so yummy.

[00:34:35] I love eating her food. When you sign up for her annual substack subscription, you get a free 30 minute consultation where you can ask her anything, meal planning, nutrition, organizing your kitchen, or even the perfect dinner party menu. And to be honest, I reach out to her every holiday for some timing issue.

[00:34:52] It usually involves a Turkey. Visit the link in the show notes and bring more joy into your kitchen this season with Sarah.

[00:35:00] Before you go, I just wanna make sure and land one thing, that if you have been living in survival mode, if you’ve been telling yourself once this is resolved, then I will feel better. Once we get past the holidays, then I’ll be able to breathe. You are not doing anything wrong that is incredibly human.

[00:35:15] It’s a very common way to cope when life feels uncertain and heavy or just really busy. But today, I hope that you heard that there is a different option that surrendering the outcome doesn’t mean surrendering your hope. It doesn’t mean surrendering all of your. Plans or giving up all of your joy. It means surrendering the exhaustion of trying to control what you can’t, and that joy doesn’t have to be a mood that you stumble into.

[00:35:40] Sometimes it’s a practice. Sometimes it’s a very intentional, it’s a decision. Sometimes it’s one tiny moment that you let yourself truly feel without apologizing for it. So here is your gentle invitation for the week. Choose one anchor for your energy, one small kind thing that you can return to, whether it’s a walk, whether permitting, whether it’s water before coffee, a one minute pause, or maybe a phone boundary, or a text boundary of how quickly you respond to people.

[00:36:10] Or just a brave little, teeny tiny no. If you wanna share what anchor you’re choosing, I would love to hear it. Please. You can always email me at da******@*************nd.com. Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me sit with you and share in the gray, share this space. I love this community so much for all the joy and the messes in between.

[00:36:31] Thank you for being here, for your time, your care, and your attention, and I cannot wait to see you for our next episode. We’re gonna be breaking the format. No more mini clips next week. For the last week of the calendar year, I’ve got just a. Sweet, soft, gentle conversation to wrap things up and get us set up for the next year.

[00:36:49] That will hopefully help us feel a little bit more stable, steady, and ready. Thanks for being here, and I hope you continue to have an incredible day.

[00:36:56] ​