How do we offer grace to ourselves in the face of confusion & manipulation?

Education, Encouragement, Podcast

Let’s look at gaslighting, self-forgiveness, & revisit a podcast with fbi negotiator Gary Noesner.

Gaslighting is like dousing a can of lighter fluid on a match. The experience can leave you scratching your head and doubting yourself. ⁣

We start thinking things like
✔️Maybe I am being dramatic.⁣
✔️I guess do complain too much.⁣
✔️Things probably would’ve been better if I’d kept my feelings to myself. ⁣

Being gaslit is similar to the feeling of a bright hot light shining in your eyes.

1. It’s hard to see⁣
2. It makes you pull away and recoil⁣
3. There’s a blind spot when you try to get your bearings⁣

⁣Asking myself the following questions can help a lot:

1. Is it possible for two people to interpret the same situation differently?⁣
2. What does it mean for two people to have different needs?⁣
3. Have I communicated to the best of my ability and with compassion?⁣

The thing to remember is that being gaslight makes you doubt yourself, what you feel, and leaves you feeling confused. Sometimes we don’t even realize what’s happened until much later. When this happens, we can often shift the blame inward, and become harder on ourselves.

For example:

  • I should’ve known better.
  • I should’ve stuck with my guns.
  • Why did I back down?
  • Why didn’t I press further?
  • Why did I believe them?

It’s times like these where we need a little -> self-forgiveness.

Click the image below for a 10 minute presentation on self-forgiveness, what it means, and why it’s key to our emotional wellbeing.

An interview with hostage negotiator Gary Noesner

No one knows manipulation, how to see through it, and how to handle it like this man.

Meet Gary Noesner – author, instructor, investigator, and FBI negotiator. 
Gary served as the lead hostage negotiator during the first 25 days of the 51 day siege in Waco TX. His book Stalling for Time, My life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator became the framework with the Netflix mini-series WACO. 
In his words, “I’ve talked about WACO more in the past couple months than in my entire career, but if you don’t know history you’re destined to repeat it.”

We explore what it feels like to be negotiating relationships from every angle in crisis situations, and how the lessons from these experiences can apply to everyday life.

There were so many great parts of this conversation, but my favorite takeaway is this: The best answer you can give is the most truthful – even if it’s, “I don’t know.”

You can listen to episode 58 on iTunes, Spotify, or HERE.

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