Hello!
Thank you for joining Juanita Molano Parra and me as we pick up from our last discussion and dive deeper into the question, “what if I fail?” This is the third question in our series, “Riding the Waves,” where we examine what comes up, what opens up, and what becomes available when we hold big ideas, big feelings, and big problems a little more lightly.
Several interesting ideas became clear during the first part of our discussion on fear and failure. Now, we consider why the mere possibility of failure can be so difficult to manage and discuss how we often get in the way of our own progress. In addition to sharing real-world examples, we also offer a helpful exercise for loosening that tight grip on the big things in life.
Here are some of the discussion points from this episode:
We have to learn to navigate “what if I fail?” so that we keep moving toward our goals and dreams.
Failure and judgment are closely related.
When we ruminate and let negative thoughts run free, our bodies react as though we’re actually under threat, which can reinforce the negativity.
Because fear of failure can include other fears, such as fear of rejection, we experience an increased sense of risk.
Failure to acknowledge a fear makes it difficult to manage the risks.
Fear can tell us a lot about ourselves.
The “Three Column Exercise” is a great resource because it gives your fears a voice.
Take an inventory of your resources. Most likely, they will be more plentiful than you think and can help ease some of the fear you may be feeling.
Fear can shrink your focus and your view of what’s real, but lightening your grip on the fear allows clarity to come into view.
Once we’re clear on what we fear, we can ask: What is to be addressed? What is to be healed? What is to be tackled? These questions naturally lead to “What’s at stake?” And that is the question we examine next time in our series, “Riding the Waves.”
Thank you for listening!
JUANITA MOLANO PARRA, MBA, PCC
Juanita is an engineer and MBA turned certified life and leadership coach. Originally from Colombia, she worked in multinational corporate finance and later started her own coaching business—training new coaches and partnering with organizations to transform culture and leadership from within. Her business, Jump Coaching, helps leaders live authentically, lead with purpose, and turn their dreams into reality. Juanita lives in Indianapolis with her husband, their daughter, and two cats.
Jump Coaching – www.jumpcoaching.co
Jump Start newsletter – https://www.jumpcoaching.co/newsletter
LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/juanitamp/
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/jumpcoaching.co/
Email – ju*****@ju**********.co
DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW
Thank you for your support and engagement as part of the Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you’d like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.
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Ep. 163 Transcript
Danielle Ireland’s Treasure Journal is a seven part journal guided series
Danielle Ireland: I’m always going to talk about journaling and this is the reason why you are the expert you have been looking for. What I also know to be true for my own life is that the only person at the end of the day when I am truly faced with an important decision or I’m looking for an answer, the answers that I’m looking for are revealed to me by me. And writing is my way in. Which is why I’ve created the Treasure Journal. It’s a seven part journal guided series that covers seven different life themes, career, relationships, love, sex, money, family and purpose. You can bundle it with the meditation guide, hop on over to the show notes to learn more or visit danielireland.comjournal and grab your copy today.
Danielle Ireland and Juanita Molano Parra discuss what if I fail
Danielle Ireland: Hello, hello, this is Danielle Ireland and.
Danielle Ireland: You are listening to don’t cut your own bangs Riding the wave miniseries. This is part two of what if I fail? What if I fail? I’m Danielle Ireland and I’m sitting next to my friend and life coach, Juanita Molano Parra. So in these episodes together and in this miniseries, a therapist and a coach are going to explore what happens, opens up and becomes available when you hold big ideas, big problems or big feelings lightly. And what really got us interested in this topic and this approach to emotional well being was that we wanted to find something that felt a little less scary, a little less confusing and not be alone in the process. And so that’s why my good friend is here and she’s also qualified to be here. She’s not just an emotional support friend. She’s actually like, she’s smart. So where we’ve been so far, where do I start? What should I do? And then today we are wrapping up, part two of what if I fail in part one. I feel like we did such a great job. We just, we kind of had like a very flowing conversation where we touched on all of the main bullet points. But I think in this episode we’re going to get a little bit more tactical. So we’re going to run the question, what if I fail through the lens of, why it’s hard, what gets in the way where we have or where clients have experienced this phenomenon and then what happens when we open up and hold this concept more lightly? And also some resources like what are some tactical things we can do? So we touched on some of them, but not as explicitly as we’re going to in this episode. Hello, Juanita.
Juanita: Hi. I wanted to do a little fact check from our previous part. if you listen to it, Danielle mentioned being Featured in a local magazine that made it sound like her neighborhood association put up something and decided to name her because she has a house on the blog. But that’s not what it was. So Indianapolis Monthly, it’s actually really big magazine here in Indianapolis. I think it’s one of the biggest magazines here. Like, I know it’s a go to for resources around anything Indy and Indy being Indianapolis, if you’re not from here. And Danielle was named as some of the best of, Indy. There’s literally an award right here that Danielle Ireland and don’t cut your own bangs is best of indie. So thank you for that.
Danielle Ireland: I’m going to graciously receive it. So what was missed was when she, when she lovingly corrected me, I started to sweat so much. Like nervous sweat. My nervous system didn’t know how to take that, that gracious correction. So thank you.
Juanita: You’re welcome.
Danielle Ireland: yeah.
Juanita: And congratulations. That was a pretty cool award and achievement.
Danielle Ireland: Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m going to take that in. I’m going to let that settle on my nervous system. And,
Juanita: Well, I think if we bring it back and connect it to where we are, I think that’s. This is really why these conversations matter. Why are we talking about what if I fail? What we’re talking about, all of this is to really work on what gets in the way of things being possible like that. Like, I think if at some point, because there’s probably more than one point along the way that you could have been like, ah, failing is too. This not just too much of a risk is just too much that’s at stake. So let’s just not. And you didn’t and you kept going. And so really I think this just in a way highlights the importance and the relevance, I’m going to say, of this conversation, really. We go through this, we navigate the what if I fail? So that we keep going. We keep going for what’s possible. We keep going for dreams, for projects, for just connect the relationships. Luscious lives. Beautiful creations.
Danielle Ireland: Yeah, sorry.
Failure is hard because it’s about judgment, you say
I was trying to take in what you were sharing and as you were talking, I was looking at the question why it’s hard and what gets in the way. And you were just talking about what gets in the way. And I feel like if I were to blur the two questions, why it’s hard and what’s in the way it’s hard, at least in this instance, with what we’re talking about, it’s hard. Failure is hard because it’s about judgment. the judgment of another. And yes, this conversation, the head trash. the fear lives within me, but it is the perception, the imagined perception of failing in another person’s eyes. Because whatever judgments I have on myself were learned. They weren’t innate in me. So it’s hard because being judged or being rejected or failing or letting someone down is a loss of connection. And to me, like the visual, if I were to create like a visual in my mind of like what, what a true loss of connection is, it’s being lost at sea alone, without a life raft. Like you’re just in open water alone.
Juanita: Damn right.
Danielle Ireland: Like that’s, that’s lost. And I mean when someone literally throws you a lifeline and this idea of open water, like in the most extreme scenario, that life saving offering of a lifeline or offering a life raft, it is life and death. But I think it’s so easy to dismiss or minimize the feeling or perception of that happening even when it’s not life or death. Like in the last episode we used this metaphor of like a deer in the woods. Like a twig snapping could be a hunter, or a twig snapping could be just somebody walking their dog. But the fear doesn’t know what is or is not really a threat. And to bring it back to this, I think that the internal system of my body doesn’t know what I’m experiencing. If it is or is not life or death. Only like my mind knows sometimes. Yes, sometimes, right. Like there’s. My consciousness is aware that I’m sitting in a chair, I’m sitting in my office. That when my nervous system reacts to something, it’s because of what I’m thinking and feeling. Feeling. I’m not in actual danger, but my body is responding that way.
Juanita: So in, in the first part we talked about like expectations and judgment and making meaning, but not by the end where what I’m kind of hearing with what you’re saying now is kind of like the, There’s either an expectation or an experience that can. It doesn’t have to, but can create a series of videos and ruminations and stories in my mind about what could happen, what may happen, what may they. Like this may be the danger of how I almost got drowned last time. This may be how I am rejected for life and I die completely alone with many cats that eat me alive. You know, like just.
Danielle Ireland: But.
Juanita: But that really just the end. Those like intense stories. And then there’s. What do you put in too? I always like that reminder of like when we are creating Those stories in our minds, our bodies don’t know that that’s not happening.
Danielle Ireland: Exactly.
Juanita: And so then that whole feeling, both, like, emotions and sensations, that whole feeling experience from the stories that I’m making then actually, like, reinforces our whole thing. And this is like, in your metaphor in the ocean, this is me, like, flailing or.
Danielle Ireland: Yeah, yeah.
Juanita Malanapada: And sometimes it’s like, either the lifeline of like, or if you’re able to voice what’s happening, somebody telling you, like, hey, put your feet down.
Danielle Ireland: This is 150, right?
Juanita: But we don’t know. And, like, because our body is so, like, body feeling sensations are so engaged at that moment because we made the story, we didn’t know it wasn’t real then. It just, I think, to the question of what makes it harder, that makes it harder because it’s making it more and more real that the, failure is real even though it hasn’t happened.
Danielle Ireland: So two things. One, I think, is the. What makes it hard is the. And again, I don’t think we’re consciously thinking it, but I can walk. I can remember walking clients through an exercise, essentially exploring where their failure goes. And it, If you take your fear, it’s like if you have, like, a dusty, crusty failure box in your, you know, like, on your bookshelf, and you want to carry it down to your emotional basement, when you carry this box down the steps of your mind, and you follow the fear, and you follow the fear, and you follow the fear, and you follow the fear. Ultimately, the bottom layer of what if I fail? Is that I will be alone. And I’ll either be alone and rejected, like, isolated alone, or either everyone will reject me because I’m a failure, or I will be worth no one’s time because I’m a failure. That bottom layer of despair is what makes the risk feel so great. And almost always. And when I say almost always, what I mean is always it always ends in that place. Every time I’ve walked a client down that exercise, it’s like, okay, so you’re. That happens. Well, then what happens? Well, that happens. Well, then what happens? And if you allow the mind to go down where. Where it’s going anyway, it’s just interesting how, like, what keeps us, I think, caught in the cycle is maybe we’ll go a couple steps into the basement, but then we won’t go all the way down into the basement. It’s like when you let yourself say it out loud, one, you realize, oh, my God, that’s what I’ve been carrying around all this time. No wonder I’m not wanting to make this beautiful little project because I’m so afraid I’m going to lose my entire family or my. I’m going to lose everything for it. Like, the stakes become so high.
There is a risk I may fall, I may twist my ankle
Juanita: Well, and something you made me think of in that too is that just because of that, like, dark, deep dungeon, not acknowledging that doesn’t let me address the risks. Kind of like somewhere on the first floor, right? Because, like, there is a risk. So if I go hiking, there is a risk I may fall. There is a risk I may fall, I may twist my ankle. I’m not going to be, like, left there by everyone and die alone in the woods with a twisted ankle. But if I actually, like, have some acknowledging of that, then I can address. Okay, if I fall and twist my ankle, then let’s be sure to bring our falls something that like, actually. But addressing, identifying, acknowledging, seeing the dungeon fear as to be able to manage and address the first floor, second floor fear.
Danielle Ireland: There’s actually a really great exercise that I’ll actually. I’ll explain the exercise. So here’s like, a resource. If you’re listening to this, you’re like, that sounds cool, but how do you get there? So this is what you do. You grab a piece of paper and you draw two lines. So you have three columns. In the first column furthest on the left, you write down whatever your fear is. So. And I’ll use. If you’re all right with it, I’ll use your hiking example. So I’m afraid of falling and hurting myself when I hike. And then maybe you have other fears. Like I’m afraid of, I’m afraid of. Specifically of twisting my ankle. I’m afraid of getting covered in bug bites. I’m afraid, like. So you write down what your fears are. And then in the next column, what you do is you write down, let’s say that fear happens. So what will happen? So what will happen is if I twist my ankle, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. People may have to pick me up and carry me. And I hate feeling inconvenient. I will be covered in bug bites. I’ll be really itchy and uncomfortable. And I hate being itchy and uncomfortable. The last time I got bug bites, one of my bug bites got infected. I’m afraid of getting like. You just let your mind ramble out all of the. So what will happen? This is column two. So your fear happens. So what will happen? And then what else would happen as a result of that? And then what else? And what else? And what else? And you just go until you feel like you’ve hit a bottom. And because eventually you will run out of things. It’s, it’s kind of incredible how boring fear becomes when you let it talk. Because when you say something and then you debate your fear, well, but what if this. But what if this. But if you just kind of let it go and you don’t interrupt, it will run out of things to say eventually. And so in this exercise, let your column 2 get as robust and complex and detailed as you would like. And then once you’ve hit some version of a bottom in your third column next to it, and because you kind of touched on this already, Juanita, write down what is the Percentage out of 100, how likely you think that that thing would actually happen? So maybe if you’re afraid of falling and twisting your ankle, based on your own history and what you, what you’ve known about yourself, it’s maybe 60%. It’s, there’s a 60% chance I could fall. Now. What’s the percentage that you might twist your ankle to the point where you can no longer walk the trail? Well, that might not be as likely. Maybe that’s only like 15% likely. But you go through each item and you really try to like discern, using some critical thinking, what is the percentage? And sometimes the percentage is a hundred, and sometimes the percentage is zero. And sometimes it’s everything in between. But based on, on however likely that event could be. Then there’s a secret invisible column that I didn’t share you right next to that. Well, what could I do to either support myself, prevent, or what, what could actually be done if this thing happens? What you’ll see is that so many of the things that are filling that dusty, crusty fear based basement are things that are either very manageable, there’s a very simple solution for, or not likely at all, or far less likely than maybe your fear would otherwise have let you see. So that’s just like a little exercise. But it’s what I’m constantly reminded of, whenever I voice my fears aloud is it’s generally some version of stop, don’t do that, don’t do that thing. You’re not ready, stop. Because my fear tends to keep me stuck. Sometimes my fear will maybe push me into action, but it’s rarely is it like the type of like clear, thoughtful action that leads me to a solid place. It’s kind of like frenetic crack smoking squirrels that are just kind of running around with a bunch of nuts. Like I got to do this and I got to do this and I got to do this.
Juanita: Well, there’s something in that too of acknowledging what fear has to tell us. Yeah. Maybe things that we need to look out for, things that we need to prepare for, things we hadn’t consider. And I really like that exercise, just how exhaustive it is. Not exhausting, exhaustive.
Creating a list of resources can help when starting a new business or project
Just to be clear, I think too with the we mentioned resources and I think a resource is actually looking at resources. So like if you’re starting a new business or starting a new project in your business or anything like that, creating a list of resources, but an exhaustive list of like physical resources, human resources and everything and anything. So like, do you have a computer?
Danielle Ireland: Great.
Juanita: That’s a resource. Do you have Internet?
Danielle Ireland: Great.
Juanita: That’s a resource. Do you know somebody that works in what you’re going to do? Great. Do you know somebody that does websites? Because that’s going to be important. Great. Do you know somebody that knows somebody? So like just like exhaustive lists of resources. And that can be a, I mean that is super useful once you get to doing the thing. But it also can kind of debug the like, I don’t know anybody. I don’t know anything. I don’t have anything. I can’t do this. It’s too hard.
Danielle Ireland: You just, oh my gosh, you just, you just lit something up for me.
When fear is either keeping me stuck or…
So I have two, two thoughts. One has to do with David and the other has to do with my really dark metaphor of being lost at sea. What I realized is that when fear is either keeping me stuck or I’m operating from a place of fear, my fear of being alone is also infusing how I start, which is that I am alone. Even just hearing you talk about like a list of resources, when, when I’m stuck in that fearful place, I lose touch of Because I’m not in the moment. I’m not in my space, I’m not in the room, I’m not in my body. I’m in my head in the fear. I’m mentally and emotionally in the middle of the ocean, alone in shark infested waters. Like it’s a very scary place. And so when I’m approach the thought of approaching a project. In the previous episode part one, I talked about how I felt kind of frozen when I was first asked to potentially create like a paid ad and create some sponsorship. I didn’t feel like I could hold that. And what that brought up for me was an old story that maybe, I don’t know, business or I’m not business savvy, or what if I let these people down? Or what if it doesn’t amount to anything like that? But it was like, what kept me stuck and frozen and not jumping on that opportunity was the sense that I was alone. That fear shrinks my focus and my view and cut me off from, well, what if you talk to someone? Or what if you ask a question? And that brings me back to David, because when I. When I shared that fear, that when I, finally acknowledged that story aloud, and I was so, like, embarrassed to acknowledge it because I see him as this very successful business person in his own right, and I was so afraid of what it would say about me or what he may think of me. But when I said it out loud, that lightning of the grip of that story or that perception I had of myself, what I was able to see almost in that very moment, it was like, breath one, breath two. It’s like in breath two, I was able to see, oh, you would probably have some really great ideas, questions I could ask, or ways that I could approach people or. Because he gets asked all the time for any number of favors, make a donation to the. He gets. He gets hit up a lot for stuff, so he’s. He’s also comfortable doing the asking, but he’s also very. He’s very familiar with the process of being asked. And I saw him. He went from being, like, the judge and executioner in my mind of, like, my shame story to a resource, like, he shifted that quickly in holding that story, that concept, a little, more lightly and sharing it when you speak it aloud, the next step. And even if you were to apply this to my terrifying metaphor of being lost at sea, it is dark. It got darker with the shark. Sharks, too. I know. And especially because I like sharks. Like, that’s just. That’s what that is. That’s in my mind. That’s where it goes. But,
Juanita: Yeah, you know, but that’s it. That’s basically what we’re talking about. Like, when you start thinking about it too much.
Danielle Ireland: My body was experiencing it as if it were happening. Like, I’m sweating now.
Juanita: Yeah.
Danielle Ireland: But I’m sitting in a chair with you in a very comfortable. I have, like, a blanket over me. I’ve got a cup of tea next to me. I literally have chocolate wrappers from chocolate we had on the break. Like, it could not be. It could not be more safe.
Juanita: I think that’s exactly it. just getting really Clear on what is the feeling fear of, I mean everything is real because you’re experiencing. But what is maybe likely and what is not, which is I think a lot of what, like you start to get with the three column plus hidden column exercise. And then from there, okay, like what is there to be addressed? What is there to be healed? What is there to tackle? And I think this starts to really be a great segue into what we’re exploring next, which is the what’s at stake to some extent. I think I’m just realizing now that it can be really helpful to have this cleared. Like the what if I fail piece to really know what’s at stake. I think that’s more of what I’m Like in the dungeon metaphor.
Danielle Ireland: We’re full of metaphors today.
Juanita: That’s more of like the first floor situation, right? Like what’s at stake? What is there? Both if I fail, what’s to fail, what’s to gain? Like all of those pieces. I think it gives much more room for that to be an exploration and not a.
Danielle Ireland: Well, because there are consequences to making a choice or inaction making no choice. There’s also consequences to that. And so I think looking at like if we were to take that invisible fourth column of there is a percentage of likelihood that the thing you’re afraid of may happen or some of the consequences that you’re ruminating on would come to pass. What could you actually do? Now there are stakes because the choices you make are going to impact your relationships. It’s going to impact lots of different things. And so exploring what those are is what we’re going to do. Coming up.
What gets in the way of looking at what if I fail is for me
And before we wrap up this one, I, I think I wanted to more specifically look at what gets in the way. I think what gets in the way of looking at what if I fail is for me, I’ll speak more specifically for myself. I think what got in the way for me looking at that question was acknowledging its presence. So when I am pretending not to know, pretending not to see, pretending not to feel. It’s like if I have to convince myself of something, like if there’s any type of self manipulation involved, when I’m present with it, it becomes real enough to express and acknowledge. If I’m not present with it, if I’m busy, if I’m over functioning, like there’s lots of little subtle ways that I can avoid. I’m really, really good at convincing myself of something. Self deception. I think we all probably have like our own PhDs in self decept. But I think that that is what gets in the way. I actually still have three unopened emails in my inbox from two years ago for these requests to like, hey, just circling back, you know, are you still interested in creating an ad? It’s like I can’t let the email go. Like I haven’t deleted it, but I also pretend like it’s not there. Every time I open my inbox I’m like, oh yeah, I was. There was a part of me that was avoiding this and wasn’t willing to look at. So it’s, it’s for me anyway. It’s the elephant in the room. It’s like the 500 pound gorilla in the room that I’m pretending not to see that I’m stepping around. And I think that that’s at least what’s gotten in my way.
Juanita: I think self deception for sure. Convincing myself of things. It can feel so, so, so, so vulnerable. But something that I think maybe we didn’t touch as much on. But it was like, I think I would say part of my fear in falling is that I don’t know if I’ll be able to get up again. And the only way to do that is to learn how to fall and get up again and fall and get up again.
Danielle Ireland: Yeah.
Juanita: And it’s, it’s one of those things where like you could unquote just have to do it. But it just feels scary. It just feels scary. I do believe that to be true. As I learned to get up, it gets less hard and less scary to fall.
Danielle Ireland: Oh yeah. Confidence always is an after. It’s a byproduct of doing the thing. Confidence. I think that that’s sort of. There’s like an order. I’m mis. Ordered of like I’m going to do something when I feel confident and ready. And it’s not that way. It’s at least when you’re risking something it’s.
Juanita: But it’s not, I don’t. It’s not being confident that it’ll work out. It’s being confident that it’ll be okay if it doesn’t. That’s my, my biggest hurdle.
Danielle Ireland: Well, and what if you’re not okay if it doesn’t work out? Like what if it actually hurts? Like what?
Juanita: Like that I’ll be okay eventually.
Danielle Ireland: Yes, yes, yes.
Juanita: That’s the thing. It’s more the. Eventually like that I’ll be able to get up again. That’s like m. I think where in your ocean. My experience is more like on the floor. I just can’t get back up. I just can’t never ever. And I will just, I just can’t ever get up again.
Danielle Ireland: So you’re a puddle on the floor and I’m in the ocean.
Juanita: Very earthy.
Danielle Ireland: I’m really glad you shared that and added that. And again, I’m really looking at what gets in the way. It seems to be the thing that your fear is utterly convincing you of, whatever the opposite is, is generally what finds you. Like how I claw my way out. Don’t share, don’t talk about it, don’t say anything. And then I share and I talk about and I say it and I instantly feel better. I mean it’s, it is kind of the best magic trick there is. If there was ever a magic trick for emotional wellness, it would be that. And that can be kind of reckless to say do whatever the opposite of your fear is telling you. I’m not telling you to run towards a weapon, but most of the time if I do the opposite of what my fear is telling me. But it takes a lot of practice to your point, you have to kind of do the thing and fall to know that you can get back up. I think there is some subtlety and nuance and maybe that’s a good place to wrap into what’s at stake. Because there is a cost to running towards your fear.
Danielle Ireland: There is a cost.
Juanita: Yeah. I do really like, doing the opposite. And I think it’s more. There is a voice that is separate from the fear and the rumination and the dramatization of it all that does know there is an alternative. And I think just listening to that, I don’t think that voice would tell you to go and go towards the hunter.
Danielle Ireland: That’s a good point.
Please remember to rate, review and subscribe to this podcast
Juanita: With all of this, we’ll wrap up the what if I fail question. We’ve left through the first part and the second part, some pieces for you to think about, really inquiring on, what gets in the way. Inquiring around the fears. Inquiring really around that dungeon of what else and what else and what else. I highly recommend you just pick something that feels very real in your life and take on the three column exercise. And just as a way of experiencing for yourself what could be beyond this question. And so we’ll leave you here and we’ll see you next time to explore what is at stake.
Danielle Ireland: I hope you are enjoying this miniseries as much as I have been enjoying making it. As always, your time and your intention here means the world to me. With that in mind, Please remember to rate, review and subscribe to this podcast. The more engagement we have, it actually helps us in the podcast sphere and the interwebs. However podcasts are found, the more it’s engaged with, the more easily we’re found by others who can benefit from this message too.
Danielle Ireland: And Juanita and I want to know.
Danielle Ireland: Do you have questions? Do you have comments? Do you have concerns? Do you have compliments? I will never turn down a good compliment, but feedback of any kind is helpful. So please remember that you can find all of our contact information in the Show Notes if you want to hit us up directly. Or you can always in the comment in the podcast section. Wherever you’re listening, you can leave a comment, you can leave a question there and we will do our best to fold in our responses to those in the podcast as close to in real.
Danielle Ireland: Time as we reasonably can.
Danielle Ireland: So thank you for listening. Thank you for taking time out of your day. I hope it added some value. I know it did for me, and I hope you continue to have a wonderful day.
