Grief, Creativity, and Cookies: How to Find Joy in Life Again After the Loss of a Child
November 10, 2025
SUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE
This podcast is the remedy to comparison and feeling like everyone has life figured out but you. I sit with experts, entrepreneurs and fellow creatives to explore the process of living a live we love. Including, the stumbles and mistakes that happen along the way.
If you’ve ever wondered how to find joy in life again after the loss of a child, you are not alone. Grief can feel like a tidal wave that sweeps away every ounce of light, and yet, somehow, moments of joy still flicker. In this heartfelt conversation with author and speaker Jessica Fein, we explore […]
If you’ve ever wondered how to find joy in life again after the loss of a child, you are not alone. Grief can feel like a tidal wave that sweeps away every ounce of light, and yet, somehow, moments of joy still flicker. In this heartfelt conversation with author and speaker Jessica Fein, we explore the complex dance between grief, creativity, and the small rituals that help us feel alive again.
In this episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I sit down with Jessica — a writer, advocate, and self-described “reluctant grief expert.” After losing two sisters and, years later, her beloved daughter Dalia, Jessica has spent her life learning that joy doesn’t replace grief — it coexists with it. Together, we talk about memory, love, and the everyday practices that help you rebuild when life has cracked wide open.
Learn how to find joy in life again after the loss of a child. Author Jessica Fein joins Danielle Ireland to explore grief, creativity, and lasting love.
How to Find Joy in Life Again After the Loss of a Child
When the unimaginable happens, people often say, “I can’t imagine.” It’s meant with love, but it can create distance. Jessica reminds us that grief doesn’t need fixing; it needs companionship. The first step toward finding joy again is to stay connected — even when words fall short.
Try saying instead:
“I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
“Can I sit with you?”
“Tell me about them.”
Grief softens when it’s shared. Naming the person, saying their name aloud, and inviting their story back into the room allows love to keep breathing. And that love is what eventually becomes the foundation for finding joy in life again.
Creativity as a Lifeline
One of the most moving stories Jessica shared came from her daughter Dalia’s love of cooking. When Dalia lost the ability to eat, family dinners stopped for a while — until a simple school “cooking” class changed everything. Dalia came home with a backpack full of individually wrapped cookies, one for each family member. That small act brought dinner back.
From that night forward, Dalia would lift her spatula to “commence” the meal — a tiny ceremony that re-stitched the family’s connection around the table. That moment taught Jessica that creativity, in its simplest form, can be medicine.
When we create — whether it’s baking cookies, journaling, painting, or just lighting a candle — we are quietly teaching ourselves how to find joy in life again after loss.
Beauty in the Corners
You don’t have to overhaul your life to start healing. Jessica talks about making “corners of beauty” — little pockets of comfort that remind you that light still exists.
That might look like:
Clearing your nightstand and adding a fresh flower.
Keeping a cozy blanket and a notebook nearby.
Taking a slow, mindful breath before your first sip of coffee.
These small, sensory rituals build presence. They give your nervous system cues of safety and softness — and over time, that’s where joy starts to return.
Grief and Joy Can Coexist
Learning how to find joy in life again after the loss of a child isn’t about “moving on.” It’s about moving with — carrying love forward in new forms. Grief changes shape. Some days it’s sharp and unrelenting; other days it’s tender and quiet. Allow both to exist.
Jessica says it beautifully: “Grief doesn’t end, but neither does love.”
The path forward might be slower, softer, and full of moments that make no sense — but the more we allow both grief and joy to belong, the more whole we become.
4 Gentle Ways to Find Joy Again
Say their name – It keeps love alive.
Make something – Write, bake, plant, or draw. Creation is restoration.
Create beauty in small spaces – Light a candle, frame a photo, or breathe deeply.
Let joy be louder than sorrow – Notice laughter, even when tears are nearby.
Grief will change you, but it can also soften you. The tenderness that remains is proof of love — and love, in all its forms, is joy.
👉 If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who might also need this reminder. And don’t forget to subscribe so new episodes find you—no chasing required.
RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”
Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It’s one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.
DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW
I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you’d like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.
[00:00:07] Speaker: Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching do cut your own banks. And today’s special guest is Jessica Fine. This is an episode where if you have found yourself in a particular pocket of grief where you feel isolated, alone, and you don’t know how am I gonna get through another day, how am I gonna find my way forward?
[00:00:30] Jessica is somebody you’re going to want to know. And what I’ll also add is. You may not be in a season of struggle today, but one of the things Jessica and I talk about is when the topic of grief and loss comes up, there is a very instinctive, almost knee-jerk response to wanna distance and separate ourselves from it to either make it very beautiful or to make it very separate another.
[00:00:55] And while beauty can be found, there is a way to acknowledge and allow and make space. The losses in life that actually invites connection that can actually forge community. And if we allow, it can also spark creativity. So something that we find so often that we want to distance and separate ourselves from could actually bring us together.
[00:01:19] This is Jessica’s work. She coined this phrase that she is a reluctant grief expert. She’s experienced a tremendous amount of loss in her lifetime, and as she puts in this episode, just when she thought she hit bottom, there was a new bottom, and then there was a bottom beneath that. One of the things that I think makes Jessica a powerful storyteller and a fabulous guest for this episode is that.
[00:01:43] To talk about grief and pain, you almost feel like you have to brace yourself like at the top of a rollercoaster of, oh my gosh, am I gonna be weeping and feeling miserable this entire time? No, and that is actually, I think the lie. One of the myths we bust in this episode is that the fear is that if we acknowledge griefs presence, that it’s gonna take us over.
[00:02:03] And while there most certainly could be waves that feel that way, it’s not a permanent state grief moves. It’s a very. Active and visceral experience, and one that needs to be talked about more because. As Jessica and I also explore to be alive means that we will experience loss. To know that there is a community, that there’s a survival kit, that there’s things that you can do and there’s people out there that want to help you, that just, it doesn’t mean that we can get off the ride.
[00:02:36] Those experiences are going to happen, but we don’t have to be alone and we maybe don’t have to suffer as hard as far or as long as we would if we didn’t know these tools. Creativity is an outlet. It is possible to find pockets of beauty. And as her sweet daughter, Dalia teaches us through her lived experience.
[00:02:56] And then Jessica’s telling of her story that a young woman who left this earth at the age of 17 through a rare degenerative disorder at the age of nine. Could no longer consume food. She couldn’t eat, and her excitement and delight in baking food allowed her family to sit around the dinner table and share meals again in a way that they didn’t otherwise think that they could.
[00:03:23] That’s a little teaser for something that’s coming at. This was only the second conversation we’ve ever had, and I hope it is not the last. I’m confident it won’t be. She’s incredibly grounded. She’s real. She is a good storyteller. So I’m really excited for you to sit down, sit back, or put in your AirPods and enjoy your walk and enjoy Jessica, fine.
[00:03:44] And that’s why I’m so excited for you to sit back, relax, and enjoy. Jessica fine.
[00:03:50]
[00:03:53] Speaker 3: As we find ourselves in the holiday season, I have been thinking a lot about meaningful gifts, the kind that help us slow down, reflect, connect with ourselves and the people we love. If you’re looking for something special, I’ve created two resources that come straight from my heart and my therapy practice.
[00:04:09] The first is called the Treasured Journal. It is a guided reflection tool built around seven key areas of your life filled with prompts, sentence stem stories, and space to explore. They’re the things that really matter to you. It’s a beautiful way to reset, especially as we’re heading into our new year for the little ones in your life or maybe grownups who are helping them navigate their emotions.
[00:04:32] There is also my children’s book, wrestling a Walrus for little people with big feelings. It is a sweet story about a small penguin, a big obstacle, and the power of meeting our feelings with kindness instead of fear. Both make wonderful holiday gifts for friends, family, or for yourself. Because calm, curiosity and connection are gifts we all deserve.
[00:04:53] You can find both the Treasure Journal and wrestling a walrus in the links in the show notes or on my website, Daniel ireland.com.
[00:05:02] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Jessica. Fine. Welcome to Don’t cut your own bangs. It’s a pleasure to actually like see your face. ’cause I think we only chatted on the phone once.
[00:05:11] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I just have to tell you, this is like the best name of a podcast ever.
[00:05:15] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Thank you so much and honestly, you also have a podcast, and I know that the podcast is, in a transitional phase, but your most recent episode, I believe came out June of this year. So it’s still very
[00:05:26] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: I’ll just skip way ahead to let people know you should check out the podcasts. don’t know how you do it. And I think that, that title, very much like the title, don’t Cut your Own Bangs. There’s a visceral hit. You almost get a sense of what it’s about without really fully knowing
[00:05:42] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yes. And that’s so important, right? Because we want people, I mean, there’s no shortage of podcasts for people to listen to. So we wanna be, you know, grabbing them. And I think both of the titles do they, they make you. Think Yes. Like I get that there’s a visceral reaction and I wanna know more about that.
[00:06:00] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. And once we get into a little bit more of your story and your work and your advocacy, I think the title will just continue to make more and more sense to the listeners as we continue. but you are a reluctant grief expert
[00:06:15] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: That is an area that you are very familiar with. And something that you’ve taken a position to really champion and help others navigate. what I love is that you also say in your work that you’re an enthusiastic believer in joy and the power of stories to help us make sense of the mess, celebrate joy, and carry us through the in-between. So this podcast is all about the in between. so can you just tell us a little bit more about that work that you do?
[00:06:43] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yes. Well, and I think it’s important to say I’m a reluctant expert because I am not somebody who studied to become a trauma therapist I know so many tremendous people who are legit experts from, an academic perspective or a psychological perspective. Mine is a lived experience.
[00:07:00] In certain ways, at least that can be the most compelling and the most relatable. I have had many profound losses starting with the death of my sister when I was 27 and she was 30. That was a sudden death. We had been on the phone like an hour earlier and she, went into cardiac arrest and died.
[00:07:18] And I thought that would be the defining tragedy of my life. I was really fortunate to have that relationship where your sister is also your best friend, and to lose that so suddenly at such a vulnerable time, it really changed how I saw the world, how I understood what we can and can’t control.
[00:07:41] And spoiler alert, almost everything falls into the latter category. Like I said, I thought that would be the thing. And what I didn’t imagine is that would be the first in a lifetime of very profound losses. I have went through many years, five years of infertility treatments, and that’s a whole other podcast, I’m sure, and I know there are on that topic.
[00:08:02] ultimately my husband and I adopted three babies from Guatemala, not at the same time.
[00:08:08] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I say that. and then we thought, okay, now the hard part’s done. You know, I kept thinking like, that’s it. Right? and when my daughter was five, my middle child, she was diagnosed with an ultra rare degenerative disease.
[00:08:20] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: It says Dalia.
[00:08:21] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: This is Dahlia. Thank you.
[00:08:22] It to say her name. And a lot of people, that’s a big message of mine and grief is to say the name, so I really appreciate that. And also it’s like the best name ever, so,
[00:08:42] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: until she was 17.
[00:08:44] She died one week after her 17th birthday, and that was repeated loss as she was both developing and growing and coming into her own and losing functionality simultaneously. When she was nine, she lost her ability to walk, talk, eat. Breathe without a ventilator, and our lives changed very dramatically at that point because she became an eyes on.
[00:09:11] Patient meaning myself or my husband or a nurse trained specifically in her care, had to be watching her 24 7. So if you just think practically about what that looks like, , you can’t go to the bathroom if you’re home alone, and we both worked full-time. My husband and I worked full time and most important, Dalia was not gonna let that be the only thing going on in our lives.
[00:09:32] It wasn’t, she wasn’t gonna let it be the only thing going on in her life. And so we learned over those years how you really can hold the worst possible imaginable thing. if you go out there in the world, people will say the worst thing that can happen is losing a child. How we could hold that together with living a life that had beauty and joy and fun and laughter and that was even more important.
[00:09:52] It wasn’t like sacrilege, it was even more important.
[00:09:54] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: I wanna pause you just for a moment because that listeners may not know about you that is so helpful to know about you is that you are a storyteller. You’re a writer, you’re an author, and you’re a speaker. And has, I’m imagining, been a part of your healing, but also as a part of your advocacy.
[00:10:11] So you just covered a lot, very succinctly and clearly in such a short time. And I wanna go back, if that’s okay, Your sister.
[00:10:20] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: You’re right because.
[00:10:21] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: That’s okay. you covered so much, so clearly. Probably because you’ve told this story or versions of this so often and so Well,
[00:10:28] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Thank you. I gotta tell you, one of my best friends, I’ve known her since second grade, and she’s been through everything with me.
[00:10:34] she’ll, she always says to me, I’m still, so my sister’s name is no. And she’ll say, I’m still stuck on the floor over Nomi
[00:10:42] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: No, that’s okay. you gave me a montage, which sometimes, and honestly, when life is hard, I’m like, and by the way, you can curse if you need
[00:10:56] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: gimme like the
[00:10:57] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Oh my God, yes. ‘
[00:10:58] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: cause
[00:10:59] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: What, song are we setting it to? I have a whole playlist we could choose from.
[00:11:02] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Well, especially when I’m learning something new that I feel very uncomfortable learning. I just wanna skip the discomfort and then I wanna go from.
[00:11:09] no abs to abs and I wanna get the kick in the air. Okay, so know me. Your sister was 30, you were 27. And then you and I’m glad you brought this back up ’cause I believe we touched on it on our phone call, but it wasn’t present top of mind that you had experienced so much loss with pregnancy loss, which is, its own it is its own story. But , was that the journey you were on of, of trying to conceive when your sister died?
[00:11:40] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: That’s an excellent question. So, no, I actually wasn’t married then
[00:12:04] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: 10 years before we got married.
[00:12:05] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: 10 years. Honestly. I love, love stories where people take their time. I think you should just like savor every stage. my husband and I didn’t wait 10 years, but we waited four and we just, every year we took a new, step forward and we just really kind of settled into it and I like that.
[00:12:20] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Well, we had a hiatus,
[00:12:22] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: did great.
[00:12:23] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Hot tea.
[00:12:24] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: but we, when we graduated, ’cause we were together in college, when we graduated, we moved to different sides of the country. But after about a year and a half, I was like, eh. So I headed out to Seattle and we got back together.
[00:12:35] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: You’re like, let’s just see, and then you’re
[00:12:45] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: that’s nice that you didn’t have to play catch up with all of that history. He already had that relationship.
[00:12:52] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: so important to me.
[00:13:01] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: and her husband had not known Nomi, and it was really very meaningful to me that it was a part of Rob’s life.
[00:13:08] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah, and think what fact that you are sharing revealing these losses and. It as a vehicle, not only for yourself, but for other people. There is something about that particular type of grief that creates, I’m gonna call it a bristle reaction , and I don’t know if people are bristling, I, that may not be the right word or the right way to describe it, but the sense of we just really wanna separate ourselves from. That type of loss and tragedy. we wanna distance ourselves, we want it to feel more removed and other,
[00:13:46] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: yes, yes. It’s, that type of sympathy of, oh no, it creates this plexiglass wall between you and me where I don’t have to be affected by you and I don’t have to feel. The impact of that, or even admit that it’s possible for
[00:14:01] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Right. The best example of that is the thing that people say all the time, which is, I can’t imagine.
[00:14:09] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: I
[00:14:09] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I can imagine that is erecting the wall. It, what you’re saying is, I don’t want to imagine, because of course you can, unless you have a very limited imagination, which I don’t, people do. Of course you can imagine.
[00:14:21] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: wanna, and look, I mean, I don’t blame you. It’s a horrible thing to imagine, but when you say that you are putting up a wall, and by the way, the person on the receiving end of that,
[00:14:32] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: There is absolutely nothing you can say to somebody when they say, I can’t imagine. Then you’re just like, well, okay. there’s nothing to say and there’s so many other things that you might say instead of, I can’t imagine that. Open a conversation. Right, but that one, talk about a plexiglass.
[00:14:49] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Well, the truth is always safer. The truth like capital T is always safer and I think many times even saying, I don’t know what to say.
[00:14:59] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: That’s what I tell people all the time.
[00:15:02] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: things you could do or you could say, and if none of those feel right to you, the very best thing is to say, I don’t know what to say right here, right now.
[00:15:11] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Here, I wanna be here for you. I just don’t know what to say.
[00:15:15] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. And even yeah, just imagining like the Venn diagram of all the things that are true. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I’m here.
[00:15:23] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Because when you are in. And when your grief finds a new bottom, which it sounds like your grief has found many bottoms, it’s like the well runs outta water and you have to keep re digging the well, and you’re like, shit, can we just, can I be done learning
[00:15:35] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Right. I thought this was rock bottom and then there’s molten lava, and that’s than rock bottom.
[00:15:41] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. Yes. God, that’s a metaphor. Definitely. Okay, so sister, year and a half later you marry Rob, and then a year into that, you begin trying, and you experienced, you said five losses,
[00:15:56] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Oh, no, no. we tried for five years,
[00:15:59] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: try for five years,
[00:15:59] we had 25 procedures, Oh my gosh.
[00:16:03] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: meaning we tried everything. We had heard of many things we hadn’t heard of because also this was a while back, so it was before a lot of stuff was kind of public discourse for example, we tried with gestational carriers and at the time, that wasn’t something that was as commonplace.
[00:16:18] And on our 25th procedure, our gestational carrier, which was our second carrier, so just for people listening, this was our embryo that Rob and I had created. It was our biological embryo put into a different person’s body. Our carrier.
[00:16:34] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. Right. And she got pregnant. And she lost that baby. So that was our 25th, and we were like, we are out.
[00:16:41] We’re outta here. We’re done. But to tell you the truth, we had already started down at that point, the path of adoption, and we were like ready to shut the door on the biological side of things and started to think that adoption was way more compelling to us anyway. So the fact that they crossed over when we lost that pregnancy.
[00:17:01] We already knew a baby, would be coming.
[00:17:04] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. My. journey with loss and then, pregnancies, three deliveries, two babies with me. there’s the bullets of the events, but what, still comes up for me whenever a woman or a family shares. A challenge, and I would even argue anyone who has a family, there’s a reckoning in some form.
[00:17:26] what I find becomes more universal is what you thought the experience would be when that’s met with what the experience is,
[00:17:35] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: is a burning down of the house. It’s just, and I think that’s almost every milestone in life where, especially where there’s a lot of momentum behind it.
[00:17:45] There’s a lot of desire, there’s a lot of attachment but the greater the wanting, oh, the greater the reckoning
[00:17:54] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: because it just will never meet reality no matter how tragic or beautiful. But, I’m still coming to terms with that today and that leads me to. Where are you with that? Because every time you, and I’m gonna use, try in air quotes, but you try to make the reality meet the desire, and then something falls and then you try again. And that could be in a business or in a relationship. But in this case we’re talking about when you were building your family.
[00:18:22] Where are you at today with that?
[00:18:25] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: it’s a great question. So first of all, I feel like, the best metaphor for what I have felt like in my life is the whack-a-mole, because I kept putting my head back up and then it was like, boom.
[00:18:36] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: so that’s me. I’m the human whack-a-mole.
[00:18:38] I think for me it is trying to. Be in the, what is not the, what could have been, what was, what, you know might be, and that’s really hard for me. I think, , obviously losing my daughter is excruciating on a daily basis and, everything that comes up my youngest is.
[00:18:59] College is a freshman. We were there for parents weekend, last weekend, and it’s the what if, what if she was in college, where would she be? What would she be like, all of that kind of thing. I think for me, one of the things that is equally hard and I think this surprises people because there is this universal thing, as I was saying earlier, that there is nothing worse than losing a child.
[00:19:19] I think for me, equally hard, I will say that is the loss of my two sisters I was the youngest
[00:19:28] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I thought we would all always be together, right? And so the fact that it was not one, but two to me in the reconciling what life is versus what I thought it would be. I still am constantly shocked anew that they’re both gone.
[00:19:47] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah, because you can, it’s almost like you’re walking parallel paths, or there’s the path you’re on and then there’s the path that your mind can show you of, you can almost see what might have been happening. And similar to, your daughter Dalia, had she, her parent weekend
[00:20:21] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: So discovers the need to be both a relentless advocate and a calm presence to show vulnerability as well as strength and to allow joy to be louder than sorrow. Who, one who doesn’t want that. To allow joy to be louder than sorrow, but what I get from you having talked to you and now sitting here with you. Is so clear in your content and is that it’s not toxic positivity.
[00:20:49] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Because I, oh, I caution people constantly. I’m a big journal advocate.
[00:20:55] I’ve written one. And I believe in gratitude and I believe, there’s the thoughts that happen, and then there’s the thoughts that you choose. And you can try to turn the dial. Like I’m a huge champion for that, but I think when somebody embodies it in a way, like you are, we need more models like that to show us what that is.
[00:21:13] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah, and I would say something about both sides of what you just read. So the thing about the vulnerability is that’s not my strong suit. Like I have had
[00:21:19] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Mm.
[00:21:19] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: to learn and, for example, when I was going through five years of infertility, and again, this was a while ago and it wasn’t as talked about, I didn’t tell anybody.
[00:21:29] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: And this is just a, a point in time example, but if you don’t tell anybody what you’re going through, you can’t possibly expect anybody to be there for you. Right? I mean, it sounds so obvious and it is, but going through it, I was like, well this is the most private thing. Like why would I share it with anybody?
[00:21:46] I couldn’t imagine at the time. And I think, with so many other things, and when you have dealt with a lot of things, another thing people will say to you. And I would suggest that maybe if you’re inclined to say this to somebody, think twice. So strong. You’re so strong. And when you hear that, you think, oh, I feel like I’m crumbling inside.
[00:22:07] But I guess I better not if I’m so strong. You feel like you have to put on this front. So
[00:22:12] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: being, you’re being rewarded for not crying
[00:22:16] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: or for not visibly, you’re not expressing grief, and so you’re being rewarded for that.
[00:22:20] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: so that whole being vulnerable, that’s where connection happens. it’s not interesting, and it’s surely not relatable if you’re like, yeah, all this stuff happened, but no, that’s just emptiness, right? if we want to really connect, we have to be open and vulnerable.
[00:22:36] So that’s that side of what you read. The other side about allowing joy to be louder than sorrow. I claim that because I learned that from Dalia, and for me to try to live that is a way that I honor her. That was not my inclination. I think that what happened to her could have absolutely decimated us, and what she showed me is that you can be happy even when you’re decimated.
[00:23:03] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Can you tell me more about how she did
[00:23:11] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I’ll talk about that all day because I love, again, I love talking about her and that’s not something we often get an opportunity to do to talk about our people. But Dalia had, as I said earlier. Everything taken away from her. The most basic human functions over time, and I’ll give you an example of how she let joy be louder than sorrow.
[00:23:31] She lost at nine, as I mentioned, her ability to eat. And so we thought, okay, from now on we will not have. And we have these two other kids. So the three kids, my husband and me. Before that, we had family dinner every night. We thought, we’re not gonna have family dinner anymore because she can’t eat.
[00:23:51] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: for a quite some time, maybe over a year close to two, my husband and I, one of us would eat with the other two kids and one of us would go in a different room with her and play during dinner. Then she gets sent to, the public school system said we can no longer keep her in our school system.
[00:24:06] It’s not safe for her to be here. Whole other saga. And she ended up going to a school that was on the campus of a hospital that was, four kids with very severe different disabilities. and when I get the schedule for the first day and it says cooking. And I freak out and I said, we can’t put her in a cooking class.
[00:24:25] That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. And everybody, you know the people I’m talking to, my best friend, my husband would give it one time, give it one day. ’cause I was ready to call the school. I was ready to pull her outta the school, you know? So she goes to school and she comes home.
[00:24:38] She reaches into her backpack and she pulls out four individually wrapped chocolate chip cookies.
[00:24:46] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: For each of
[00:24:47] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: She gets one to each of us
[00:24:49] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: oh, I got full body chills.
[00:24:52] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: and the teacher. I check in with the teacher how was her day? And she said the best part of the day by far. Was cooking. She loved putting her hands in and , getting in there with the dough and putting it in the oven, watching the cookies form, she loved it so much. And we realized when you think about food and cooking and family dinners, it’s not really about eating.
[00:25:13] It’s about all the other things that come along with it. And we had unknowingly been excluding her. From that night on, she helped make dinner every single night. We went back to family dinner, she would hold a spatula up and that would say, commence. We could start eating dinner. We got our little, chef hat in an apron.
[00:25:32] She was, my husband does the cooking, so I’m very lucky for that. And he was big chef. She was little chef and she became an integral part. And to me that’s such a perfect example of saying, yes, there’s sorrow. I can no longer eat. And that’s horrible. And I can still be part of this and have fun with cooking and make things for other people , and again, , participate.
[00:25:54] So that’s a really practical example of saying we’re not gonna just totally give in. And we had to learn that from her.
[00:26:01] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. And I guess , the level of isolation.
[00:26:06] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: separation. , It brings me back to that idea of plexiglass and the way that we do it unknowingly to one another in social interactions all the time. But it wasn’t an effort to protect her. Oh, we don’t want her to feel hurt.
[00:26:17] We don’t want her to feel pain. I also maybe would wonder if it would be painful for all of you to. Witness her sitting and watching you eat. And so that removal, that separation, and even when you shared this about your fertility journey and you’re right there, there was far less conversation given that cultural context.
[00:26:36] But I can maybe protect myself or others from this pain if I don’t acknowledge it. but allowing it to exist and that, God, I think that’s also the beauty of kids. They don’t know, not to know certain things, which is, we just need to be reminded of that so often. But she, gave you all that permission to like, yeah.
[00:26:53] I can’t eat, but man, I love making stuff like that. That’s so gorgeous. And what were your oldest son and your youngest sons? what was happening in their lives
[00:27:04] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah, so very, very different from each other. And I think we’re like a great little microcosm of how. Grief and this was grief even though it took me a long time to realize that even during those years when Dalia was still with us here, how it is so isolating and unique for each person, even when you’re together in the same family with the same situation.
[00:27:27] Our little guy, Theo, who was two years younger, so he was seven when Dalia got very sick and. He really was the playful one. The one who would. Throw the stuffed animals at her anyway. And like we had these little so it’s called a saline bullet.
[00:27:45] It’s what you use to put lubricated trach, which she had and whatever. It’s a highly medicinal thing that we used for water fights and, so she, he was the one who like, just, she was his big sister. Now there was a lot of pain to watch that relationship because. Where she had once mothered him.
[00:28:02] He obviously ultimately was very much of a caregiver for her, but they were pals and they just, yeah, that was adorable to watch the eldest. Struggled a lot more with it, became a very, very key piece of the caregiving team.
[00:28:18] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: because as Dalia got older, we needed two people hands on in order to move her.
[00:28:26] I didn’t say that for the last two years of her life, she was not able to move. She anything. She couldn’t blink, she couldn’t nod, she could not move. So it was a very physical caregiving experience and
[00:28:38] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: For two years, she couldn’t blink.
[00:28:40] Right. How, was there any capacity to engage or communicate?
[00:28:44] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: So first of all, with the blinking, we had to, because your corneas will dry out, we had to taper eyes shut during naps and at overnight, we did try. another procedure where we actually sew one of her eyes shut, so then that would heal the cornea and then,
[00:29:01] That was pretty horrible.
[00:29:03] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: That sounds like it would be,
[00:29:04] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. For communication. it started at the beginning when she lost her ability to talk. She could mouth and we were able to understand her. she had a communication device that we used for a little bit, but that was never really our primary thing. I have a lot of friends whose kids are nonverbal and really communicative through the device.
[00:29:22] That wasn’t really something that ever. Took off for us. she was able for a long time to point to nod her head yes, to shake her head no. But ultimately she did lose that functionality. So our communication was more in the form of touch, in terms of us touching her, talking to her all the time.
[00:29:40] assuming she could hear and knew everything that was happening,
[00:29:44] Came to still had dinner with us, we’d still over to the dinner table.
[00:29:47] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: This is something I can completely take out. If you don’t feel comfortable answering this question, I’m curious, mother to mother, were there times where you could feel what she needed or feel what she wanted even though she couldn’t say it, even though she couldn’t gesture it Just that sense, that can be unexplained or
[00:30:04] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I’ll tell you and
[00:30:05] I’ll for any opportunity I have, say what a gift our medical team gave us in believing that my husband and I knew more than they did about what she needed.
[00:30:19] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: so they, supported you and
[00:30:20] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: they
[00:30:23] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: could have made decisions on our behalf. They let us keep her at home. They understood that she was surrounded by love and that, this was what made sense for our family, and they looked to us.
[00:30:39] I mean, it’s a very peculiar thing because when she was diagnosed. This is an ultra rare disease. Ultimately with her secondary diagnosis, she was one of six in the world who had this diagnosis. So we knew nothing. I was in marketing at the time. My husband’s a high school teacher.
[00:30:54] Like we knew nothing. And over time we became expert in the disease, of course, but, but for sure we were the Dahlia experts.
[00:31:03] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: And so that turn of relationship where we were. Desperate to , sit at the feet of the medical staff to absorb anything we could to them turning to us because they knew, we understood and they said, you’ll tell us.
[00:31:17] When they could not communicate with her, they could not know what she was feeling. And we really did believe that we understood mother to mother, and I will say in our case,
[00:31:28] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Her father and your
[00:31:29] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yes, of course. Let’s give Rob credit. Let’s give we’re not excluding
[00:31:32] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: We’re not excluding Robin. I will say that in many ways he was a better hands-on caregiver, and I say that because so often in our society we assume it’s the mom
[00:31:42] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: and he was really magic when it came to caring for her.
[00:31:45] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: There is something about that intangible. like you can’t put your finger on it. You can’t name it. I love the language you used of, there was the medical experts, but we were the Dahlia experts. So in my work as a therapist, there’s. that gauge and that balance between I know what I was trained in, I know what I see a lot. And I also, I do think I have a keen sense of when people are not being honest with themselves for
[00:32:26] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: the only work I’m really interested in doing is helping people better. Integrate and identify their needs and believe themselves so that they can meet those needs because constantly turning to somebody else for ’cause. God, wouldn’t that be nice if you could turn to a self-help book or you could turn to an expert and just tell me, just gimme the steps.
[00:32:49] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: God, I would love to live that way. And I honestly, if I could just find the Right. morning routine and the right self-care tip, then.
[00:32:55] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I’m on a morning routine experiment, experimenting track right now, so you, and I’ll have to talk about that offline ’cause I need.
[00:33:03] let’s dish. Well, I want to, speaking of self-care, ’cause I do believe that this is I see this as a form of self-care and I’m imagining you do too. Creativity. So you mentioned that you, apart from all the things that you evolved into as your life and dahlia’s, medical journey, it shifted and changed a big part of what you do. But you’re a writer, you’re a journalist. and creativity seems to be a big part of your healing.
[00:33:28] Can you tell me more? And particularly, if anybody visits the show notes and wants to check out Jessica’s, website, which I highly recommend that you do, she has a personal survival kit, what I love is I don’t like prescriptive. This is how you should be and how you should move.
[00:33:43] But if anyone can give me a tip to make life a little bit easier, I will gladly, nibble those
[00:34:01] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: A memoir of Family Dreams and broken jeans and if anybody’s, that’s the book can see in the background.
[00:34:06] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: breath take. So you write as a journalist, you’ve. Written your
[00:34:22] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: But first of all, creativity of any form I think is so critical when you’re, especially when you’re in an intensely stressful situation. And there’s all kinds of studies on this and, I have a kickstart your creativity guide that I made because I feel like being able to immerse yourself in something that is.
[00:34:44] A separate from the day to day and B, that uses different parts of your brain and C, where you can produce something. Now, for me, that was writing and I in fact wrote my book during Dahlia’s lifetime, much of it at her bedside. For me, what writing does is it allowed me several things. Number one, it gave me, in this case.
[00:35:09] an opportunity to control some of the narrative. I mean, here I was wildly out of control and I could control some of it. Number two, it allowed me to, like we were talking about my podcast name, my every day. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you do it. Okay, so
[00:35:24] Here’s the behind the scenes, if you will. And that was therapeutic for me in a way to be able to share . And to be able to, , I knew while we were going through this that it was unique. Quite literally, there are six other families and so universal,
[00:35:42] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: So many ways. And so I wanted to be able to share my story.
[00:35:47] and what’s been so gratifying is when I hear from readers, , this made me feel less alone. Or, one of the most beautiful things somebody said to me early on was, I was with my mother at, for the last week of her life at her bedside reading your book, and I felt like somebody was holding my hand.
[00:36:06] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: made me feel less alone, so that is very rewarding for me
[00:36:09] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. That, somebody feel less alone in my education and getting my Master’s to do the work that I do now. we briefly touched on just like a point in a syllabus, different forms of abuse and childhood development. Neglect is the one that. Leaves the biggest wounds and it’s also the hardest to name.
[00:36:27] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Mm.
[00:36:27] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: and it’s makes me think too, I’m piecing something together that the metaphor we’ve been using about the plexiglass and wanting to separate. So when children who have experienced severe neglect, I’m talking maybe pre-verbal or maybe somewhere between two and four, they appear out in the world to be well behaved because they’re quiet. Because what they’ve learned over time through their attachment bonding, or rather lack of attachment bonding, is that when I have a need, when I cry out, when I am looking for confirmation, it’s not met, not seen. And so I just don’t
[00:37:09] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: talk that talks about that very thing and grief. Is the loneliest thing. And when we have a loneliness epidemic, that’s a place where we can come together.
[00:37:18] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yes. ‘Cause it’s, our stories are
[00:37:23] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: It’s like the expressions are unique, but the feeling, the imprint, and even if we haven’t gone through exactly what you’ve gone through, the only guarantee of life is that we’re not gonna live forever. Now there might be people who are debating that currently, but, death is a part of life
[00:37:39] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. every single person’s gonna be a griever,
[00:38:00] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: coming. but Yeah. so I, Yeah. there’s just, there is a lot of fear and and I. Acknowledging the fear. I’ve used this metaphor many times, but it’s like the, if anybody listening is a, Harry Potter fan, the bogger, it’s this creature that turns into your biggest fear. And when you find a way to make a joke about it or you make it funny, it loses its power
[00:38:18] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: and
[00:38:19] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I love that. I don’t know Harry,
[00:38:21] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah, sure it does. It’s not everybody’s cup of tea, or everyone’s cup of pumpkin juice. But, it’s okay,
[00:38:26] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: that visual or that alliteration of when you face your fear, you let it exist. You look at it long enough, you start to realize there is humor in it. in almost every therapy session I’ve ever given, no matter how dark the topic there is either lightness or levity. and for, clients who are in active recovery, who are in meetings, like in meeting rooms, whether it’s, codependent or sex addicts But there is always this knowing laughter of
[00:38:56] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: I see you, I see your pain, I see your shame. I see you’re there. I see it and I see it in myself too. And I mean, aren’t we just some funny monkeys up here? but there is something about that’s such a relief of like, oh, I’m okay.
[00:39:07] My experience is mine, but my experience is also not unique to me.
[00:39:14] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: wrote it down. Okay. Tell, are you a journaler or do you go right.
[00:39:18] into like narrative? Does it have to have a be a clear beginning, middle, and end?
[00:39:21] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I love talking about this. I was just meeting with some writers yesterday when we were talking about process and each person’s process is so wildly different, but I am not a journaler. and I pretty much go right into it. the project I’m working on right now. Has a lot of research. And so that’s a little bit different for me because I also am an essayist and my essays and my book, and then I have another book, that I had done when I was younger that was all just from my head as compared to this one, which involves a lot of research.
[00:39:49] So it’s a little bit different for me and learning to like, okay, wait, you can’t just write it. You gotta actually learn the thing you’re writing about. But I’ll just tell you ’cause I’m excited about it and I’m working on it now, which is on a quest to explore. how we connect with people who we’ve lost through science, spirit, ritual, tradition, technology, and whatever else works.
[00:40:10] is amazing.
[00:40:12] yeah, it’s pretty cool. I’m having such great experiences and conversations and so it’s, I’m taking this on with a journalist mindset, a mother’s tenacity, and a griever’s aching heart. And with that, I’m exploring everything from, Mayan priestess ritual that I did in Guatemala to, avatars of the people that have been bank on technology to, plant up medicine to all kinds of things,
[00:40:45] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: a few weeks back,
[00:40:47] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: My new book.
[00:40:48] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yes. one of the things I talked about with her, her name is Angie was that. I have, maybe a third of my clients, once they feel really settled and comfortable with me, at some point they’ll have an experience that they wanna talk to me about, but they’re afraid to bring up to me, and I can just, similar to that scent, like I can feel like, oh, is this the moment they’re gonna tell me they tried reiki?
[00:41:07] Or they’re like, well, so I had this experience. My girlfriend really wanted me to do this thing, but I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do it. But then I tried it and then I,
[00:41:15] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: And is it mediums? Does that happen a lot?
[00:41:17] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: oh, yeah. I mean, I, most of the clients I work with, I’d say 90% of the clients I work with are women. And I would say of that, at least a third have told me either about a psychic experience or a experience in their life. They can’t explain or, an experience they
[00:41:30] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Because I’m interviewing my book.
[00:41:33] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: it’s a lot of other people’s stories, but I, I love that. And I do wanna say, and I know, in talking about storytelling and writing and how much I, I love it. And with my podcast it’s, other people’s stories. And of course my book is my story.
[00:41:46] My career was in branding. I was telling corporate stories or, organizational stories, but my other iteration of my career. But what I’m doing now, I’m really, really excited about because I have, launched a writer’s community. So I just wanna make sure and share this, which is open to people who are interested in writing, who might be writing books, essays, writing, just in their own journals,
[00:42:07] Called the Writer Salon. And I think that as writers, community is really, really important and having people who get it, and so I’m really excited about that. I wanted to tell you about that because it is part of this idea of the power of stories and the power of creativity.
[00:42:24] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: One of the other things in your survival kit was corners of beauty. Would you say that this community is like a corner of beauty for you?
[00:42:31] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Absolutely. even creating the visuals for it felt that way, but I love that. Yes. And the idea there is that, to try to create a world of beauty is a very big task, but we can all create corners of beauty.
[00:42:43] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: I can’t remember if I mentioned this on our earlier phone call, but that Martha Beck has dedicated a great deal of her work and I’d say the last two or three books that she’s written. that the opposite of anxiety is not calm, it’s creativity
[00:42:55] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: that was fascinating.
[00:42:56] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: mm-hmm. And so that anybody who is listening, who is wondering like, well, I’m not a writer, I don’t journal, You don’t have to have an Etsy account. You don’t have to know how to knit. But whatever. Dolly is a beautiful example and teacher for us in this, that like a 9-year-old girl who could no longer eat, fell in love with cooking. That’s creativity. and so just, acknowledging that creativity is, I think more and more as the world is becoming more. insane that. Creativity won’t be optional.
[00:43:28] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: I think it really needs to be seen as Mandatory. It’s like brushing your teeth can be considered self-care and it’s also like hygiene.
[00:43:35] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: there’s certain I think there’s certain forms of self-care , but creativity, I don’t think it should be optional.
[00:43:41] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I am with you a hundred percent.
[00:43:43] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: So that this is the call to action. Go make shit. Just go. Go make, if you wanna have a beautiful corner of beauty in your own life, in the madness of the world, just go make things we need more beautiful things. Or even things that aren’t beautiful. ’cause sometimes you just, sometimes I make a mess
[00:43:59] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: that’s okay, but it’s mess.
[00:44:00] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah, exactly. So as we’re winding down and nearing towards the end, I want to, ask you about your, don’t cut your own bang moment.
[00:44:08] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yes. Okay. Well first of all, I just have to say. I have been wrestling myself with the whole issue of bangs and whether or not that’s something I should pursue at this age, but you know what you mean. so anytime I see somebody who like, kind of has hair like me who has bangs, I’m like, do I like that?
[00:44:24] Do I not? You know?
[00:44:25] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Honestly, every time I see someone with good bangs, I think I should do that, and then I forget all the times that I tried bangs and it just didn’t work for me. But that’s okay. Maybe I’ll try it again sometime.
[00:44:35] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Um, alright, I’m gonna go with something that was not very serious, but I have a neighbor who was at the time that I had a. Big corporate job, she did too. And she started to get really into shape and I mean literally she’s two doors down. So I would see her running and see her do, and I was like, that’s great.
[00:44:52] Like I can totally do that. I have never been a outy kind of person. I was never an athlete, nothing like that. But I was like, I can do this. So she started doing something called a bootcamp.
[00:45:05] And I was like, that sounds great. It was at 5:00 AM so it would be before work. And I was like, this is it. I’m like going and I’m getting my clothes for the bootcamp.
[00:45:13] ‘Cause of course I wanna look right and whatever. And I’m so excited and I’m already like changing my morning schedule and my meeting times because I am gonna be a boot camper. by the way, I figured, after a week or two I would have her body, which was. And a very, aspirational for me.
[00:45:29] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: this was what I was gonna do and I was so excited and I buy the thing ’cause of course you have to pay to show up at the parking lot. And I went to the bootcamp and we started off by running around the parking lot and I was like, okay, I can do this, I can do this. But by the third circle of it, I was heaving, kind of sick to my stomach.
[00:45:46] I was like, I don’t know about this. then. They say, okay, now it’s time to start. I thought that we were in it. That was just the warmup, and I am telling you it was the most uncomfortable, physically uncomfortable hour of my life. We did things that I swear should be like you would need to pass 10 fitness level tests to do.
[00:46:06] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Nauseous. I was like the burpees. I had never even heard of a burpee and I was like, this is even just as bad as it sounds like. Why would you call something a burpee already? It sounds horrible. Anyway, this was my Do not cut your bangs moment because I so cut my banks by getting, going all in on that bootcamp and suffice to say that was it.
[00:46:22] I never did another burpee. And I will tell you, find your own kind of exercise. Exercise is important, but find the one that works for you, not the one that works for your fit. Beautiful,
[00:46:34] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Your
[00:46:35] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yeah. You know what though, that, thank you for that. because every time I turn on my phone and I see a fit influencer, I’m thinking, That’s it. That’s the
[00:46:45] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: That’s the thing that is the ticket. If only I did bootcamp, I can wear a bikini because I’m gonna be the bootcamp person. Like I totally thought this was my ticket.
[00:46:53] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Right. I just need the matching workout. Set., The new shoes. And in two weeks from
[00:46:57] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: It
[00:46:58] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: that’s how I’ll be.
[00:46:59] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: was such a total reality check moment for me,
[00:47:02] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Well, also, and to your point, you’re right. Burpees are terrible.
[00:47:06] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: a rebrand. Why the world are they called burpee?
[00:47:08] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: well, you’re right, a burp. Like that’s disgusting and be like a farty.
[00:47:11] I don’t know. That’s terrible. maybe they don’t need a rebrand because They’re terrible, so maybe
[00:47:15] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: they wanna call what it.
[00:47:16] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: yeah, they suck. But, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that reminder. ’cause there is the comparison and the stories we tell ourselves and God, the, my Imagination Train will take off and I’ll go for a ride.
[00:47:30] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Up the hill and I was like, oh yeah, all I need to do is go to a boot, a couple burpees.
[00:47:33] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: For me, walking, It has to feel good or I’m not gonna keep doing it. And I don’t like people yelling at me. I have kind of like a tense response when people are giving the room that foe like. you’ve got this.
[00:47:45] You’re doing great. I’m like, no I’m not.
[00:47:48] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: Thank you. That was a great, don’t cut your own bang moment. And I think especially as we’re winding down, and when I say winding down. I mean, ramping up into the holiday season. ’cause let’s face it, it’s October. It’s basically, you
[00:48:00] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: gonna, we’re gonna be, we’re gonna get bombarded with all the holiday messages, but that’s when I think people really push hard that we need to be doing to take care of yourselves.
[00:48:08] And maybe the best thing you could do is create something
[00:48:12] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: Yes. Come join the writer salon. That’s what we want people to do.
[00:48:16] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: That is exercising a different, very important part of you and just, yeah, maybe trust the movement that feels good for the body you’re
[00:48:24] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: in right now.
[00:48:25] jessica-fein–she-her-_1_10-16-2025_100655: I love that.
[00:48:26] squadcaster-3hci_1_10-16-2025_100655: That’s such a good reminder.
[00:48:28] Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining me in this week’s episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs. I hope that you enjoyed listening because I always thoroughly enjoy making these, these interviews, these conversations or these solo casts they give me. They give me a high, they give me a zip that stays with me for days afterwards.
[00:48:47] I hope that you took anything that was meaningful. Leave the rest behind. That is the goal. Take one little nugget or 10, but take whatever works with you and. I hope that you just continue to have an incredible day. Before you hop off, though, please remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast.
[00:49:04] Your engagement helps the podcast growth. It helps me get better, and it helps build this beautiful community. But thank you for being here and I hope you continue to have an incredible day.
Join my email list to get access to tools + resources to help improve your mental health. Plus, be the first to know about new episodes, blogs and more.
Get actionable advice + mental health tips in your inbox.
