The overachiever spiral
Here’s the story of the spiral:
Step 1. Because we’re trying to be perfect, never disappoint, and do all the things for all the people in our lives – we feel anxious, busy and wish there were four of us to get everything done.
Step 2. When the expectations we have for ourselves doesn’t include space for our basic human needs – sleep, food, rest, pleasure, comfort, actual human connection – AND our to do list has all of the expectations from Step 1 we begin to doubt ourselves, our choices, our feelings, and our “enough-ness.”
Step 3. Before we know it, we’re burnt out, overwhelmed and feel stuck.
Step 4. Then we hear someone (like me) talk about self-care on social media, and want to scream.
Perfectionism & anxiety, lead to self-doubt & overwhelm, which culminates in burnout, and then when we’re utterly depleted we try some self-care. The self-care doesn’t “work” and the spiral continues.
If you can relate to this, you are not alone my friend.
I’ve observed this cycle playout in hundreds of clients, and have experienced it myself more times than I can count. It’s draining, depleting, and leaves us feeling defeated.
That’s why I’ve created the Overachiever Spiral Workshop, a workshop for women – Monday November 15th, from 6-7:30pm EST.
Click HERE to register and learn more.
At the end of this workshop you’re going to know: What the spiral is, where you’re getting stuck, the step in the spiral where you need the most support, and steps you can immediately take to find relief.
The other, and most important, point I want to make about this workshop is this -> It. Will. Be. Gentle.
It may be tempting to look at a process like the Overachiever Spiral, and like the overachiever that you are, add it to your to-do list and tackle it head on! And that is exactly why I want to suggest a different approach.
By the time a woman is sitting in my office for her first therapy session, I know that A LOT of challenging events have led to this moment
By the time a woman is sitting in my office for her first therapy session, I know that A LOT of painful/stressful/challenging events have led to this moment. The pain has to feel deep enough, real enough, and hurt long enough for them to feel permission to acknowledge it. Years of caring for others, holding up half the sky, and “being fine” have become a barrier to carving out space and time for themselves. The act of committing to an hour to process their feelings is radical.
That is why this workshop exists. And whether it’s here, or somewhere else, I want to support you to get the care you need.
Maybe you’re thinking, “But I already do that. I run, I meditate, do yoga, and get a massage once a year.”
Maybe you’re thinking, “Nice thought, but with what time?”
What I would invite you to explore, is this:
Are the things that you’re doing to take care of yourself working? Meaning, are you actually feeling better over time?
Are you waiting to take care of yourself after everything else is done?
Do you have the space, support, and community you need to help you along the way?
If your answer to any of these is “No,” you’re not alone, it’s not your fault, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
What could be in the way?
Before we can address the problem, we need to first acknowledge the following beliefs:
- We have no time for ourselves.
- Everything will fall apart if we stop.
- Other people’s needs matter more.
Our time together on November 15th from 6-7:30pm EST will be the virtual equivalent of sitting on an overstuffed sofa, with your softest blanket, coziest slippers, chatting with a friend you trust.
Gentle. Gentle. Gentle.
We’re not starting gently because you can’t handle the hard stuff. We’re starting gently because you’re already living the hard stuff.
I can’t wait to see you there.
It’s all going to be okay – Ep. 90 with Betsy Murphy
In this episode, I’m incredibly honored to be interviewing an absolute powerhouse of a woman, Betsy Murphy. Betsy is the author of several popular books, including the “Autobiography of an Orgasm” and “Write On: A Daily Writing Practice for Anyone with a Story to Tell.” She’s a screenwriter, performer, speaker, writing coach, and guide for women to help retrieve the hidden parts of their stories. She discusses the things most people don’t want to talk about but does so in a way that will make you feel comfortable being part of the conversation.
Betsy also offers workshops and retreats to incubate and develop the work of creators with diverse voices. Her popular course, Beyond the Journal, is an on-demand writing retreat to support you in finding the most potent version of your writer’s voice.
Betsy embodies creative living. Today, we’re not only going to be talking about what she does, but we’re going to discuss what drives her to do her work. The different elements and the “why” behind her journey make her life so compelling. This conversation will make you think about how our lives can be so unique and varied, but in the end, we are all searching for similar things – love, joy, and connection.