The Emotional Toll of Everyday Life: Dr. Kate Lund on Resilience That Lasts

In this episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I sit down with psychologist, TEDx speaker, and author Dr. Kate Lund to unpack the very real emotional toll of everyday life—and how to meet it with practices that actually last. Through Kate’s story (growing up with a rare medical condition), her years as an athlete and parent of twins, and decades of clinical work, we explore grounded ways to build resilience when you’re overwhelmed by life challenges.

This conversation isn’t about hacking your feelings or chasing perfection. It’s about intentionality—small, repeatable actions that modulate stress, restore capacity, and help you return to yourself.

Understanding the Emotional Toll (Without Blame)

The emotional toll doesn’t come only from “big” events. It accumulates—notifications, comparison, caregiving, constant productivity pressure. Kate’s reframe is kind and practical: context is your lane. Your season of life, nervous system, responsibilities, and support shape what’s possible. When expectations match reality, friction lowers—and the tax on your nervous system eases.

Overwhelm vs. Intentional Living

Overwhelm says do more. Intentional living asks what matters most today?
Kate recommends bookending the day with a simple breath-and-phrase practice to drop your stress baseline, so routine stressors don’t tip you into shutdown.

Practical Tools to Lighten the Load

Micro-community, your way.
A neighborhood walk, a hobby meetup, or a small online group—connection buffers the emotional toll of life challenges and reminds you you’re not doing this alone.

Five-minute modulation (morning & evening).
Choose a soothing word or phrase, breathe naturally, and repeat for five minutes. This Herbert Benson–inspired “relaxation response” lowers baseline arousal so you’re sturdier when hard moments come.

Journaling for clarity (2 prompts).

List 3–5 wins from today and why they worked.

Note 1 thing you wish went differently, and expand on what you might try next time.
Together, these prompts retrain attention toward what’s working—without ignoring what’s hard.

Move your body (gently counts).
A walk, stretch, or quick ride shifts energy and perspective. Movement metabolizes stress and supports mood.

Context Is the Compass (Not the Cage)

One of my favorite Kate-isms: context is your lane—drive that road well.
Progress measured against someone else’s highlight reel will always feel like failure. Progress measured against your actual life feels honest—and sustainable.

When You’ve Taken On Too Much

If you’re flirting with burnout, try Kate’s gentle audit:
“Is saying yes to this going to detract from my overall sense of wellbeing?”
If the answer is yes, kindness looks like a boundary. (Future-you will thank present-you.)

From Performative Calm to Durable Resilience

Durable resilience isn’t white-knuckling through; it’s modulating your system so you don’t have to. It’s five minutes of breath, a page of honest reflection, ten minutes of movement, and one real conversation. Practiced consistently, these small acts compound—reducing the emotional toll and increasing your capacity to meet life challenges with steadier hands.

You’re doing better than you think. And if today is heavy, one tiny shift is enough.

Key Takeaways

Emotional toll relief starts with modulation: bookend your day with five minutes of breath and a soothing phrase.
Life challenges get lighter when you align goals with your real context (not comparison).
Intentionality > intensity: small, repeatable actions outlast dramatic overhauls.
Simple tools work: “wins” journaling, gentle movement, and micro-community build durable resilience.

📗 Learn more about Dr. Kate’s work:
Step Away: A Modern Guide for Overwhelmed Parents to Reclaim Strength and Connection
The Optimized Mind Podcast by Dr. Kate Lund

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DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW

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Episode Transcript

Dr. Kate Lund Interview (Lightly Edited for Clarity)

Danielle: Dr. Kate Lund, welcome to the Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs podcast. I’m thrilled you’re here because you bring such practical tools for something we all need—how to cultivate resilience when we’re overwhelmed. You make it feel possible.

Dr. Kate: Thank you so much. I’m really glad to be here—exciting to dive in.

Danielle: You host The Optimized Mind podcast and wrote Step Away: A Modern Guide for Overwhelmed Parents to Reclaim Strength and Connection. Is the book rooted in your personal experience, your clinical practice, or both?

Dr. Kate: Both. I grew up with a medical condition—hydrocephalus—which meant lots of surgeries and time in hospitals. My parents had to be incredibly resilient, and that shaped me. I’m also a mom to 18-year-old twin boys, and I’ve worked as a psychologist for over 20 years with kids and families. The book blends those three lenses.

Danielle: Your story really struck me—especially how your parents focused on who you were, not just the condition. You couldn’t play contact sports, but you found tennis. How did that become part of your identity?

Dr. Kate: I couldn’t risk head impacts, so hockey and gymnastics were out. I gravitated to tennis, discovered I was decent, and—thanks to my parents and friends’ parents—I developed that skill. It became central to who I was and helped me through tough moments. These days I mostly hit as a practice partner for one of my boys, but the sport still matters to me.

Danielle: You once said you were often the runner-up—rarely the first-place trophy. That humility and persistence feel core to your resilience.

Dr. Kate: Totally. I loved playing from the inside out. Because of my health, I knew what it felt like to not be able to play, so I appreciated every chance I got. Some peers won more and later stopped when the external validation faded. For me, it was passion and context: This is my lane, my best, and that’s enough. My parents reinforced that—focus on possibilities within your reality.

Danielle: Context keeps coming up. Social media can expand comparison beyond what our brains can hold. Is naming your context a step you teach to reduce overwhelm?

Dr. Kate: Absolutely. We start by clarifying someone’s real context—season of life, responsibilities, supports. From there, we ask: what helps you thrive here? Comparison is human, and social media amplifies it—I’m living that with a son applying to college! Filtering the noise is part of the work.

Danielle: How do you balance “optimize/do more” with gratitude and enoughness?

Dr. Kate: It’s ongoing. I step back and ask: What’s my primary goal? What actually moves it forward? Do I need this extra thing? Creating space is hard, but essential. I use mini-meditations, movement, social support—simple, repeatable anchors.

Danielle: Let’s talk Step Away. What’s a foundational tool you teach?

Dr. Kate: The relaxation response, developed by Herbert Benson. Choose a soothing word or phrase, breathe naturally, and repeat for five minutes—morning and evening. It bookends the day and lowers your baseline so routine stressors don’t tip you into shutdown. Use it before meetings, games, or any high-stress moment.

Danielle: I love that you frame mindfulness as building a portable state you can carry into the day—especially for parents. What else supported you when your twins were little?

Dr. Kate: Movement and community. I worked part-time, put the boys in a double stroller, and we spent days walking a nearby waterfront town—bookstore, coffee shop—people got to know us. Traditional moms’ groups were tricky with two infant carriers, so we made connection our way. Community can look different for everyone—walks, meetups, or online groups.

Danielle: You also emphasize emotional intelligence: we can’t give what we don’t have. How do you help clients build it?

Dr. Kate: Through awareness. We explore how your way of being impacts others and vice versa—via conversation, role-play, and journaling. A favorite prompt is Daily Wins: write 3–5 things that went well (and why), then one thing you wish had gone differently and what you might try next time. It shifts attention toward what’s working while staying honest.

Danielle: How do you manage your own energy and output?

Dr. Kate: I ask, Will saying yes to this detract from my wellbeing? I’d love to say yes to everything, but that’s a path to burnout—I’ve been there. Mindfulness, Peloton rides, and movement help me keep a clear lens. I’m also trimming commitments in the year ahead because I took on too much.

Danielle: Same. I’m noticing what fuels me versus what drains me beyond the calendar hour. Podcasting fuels me; some tasks require recovery time. When I feel overwhelmed, I lose intentionality—like being in a boat without oars. Your word “intentional” settles me every time.

Dr. Kate: It’s so human. Some days the to-do list can’t all happen—especially with kids home. Naming the context and choosing what matters today is enough.

Danielle: As we close, what’s a recent “Don’t cut your own bangs” moment—where things didn’t go as planned?

Dr. Kate: A TV spot. I prepared, felt ready—and the first question knocked me off course. I rambled and couldn’t land the point. My inner voice said “stop talking”—and I didn’t. It was humbling. The learning? Slow down, take more space, be even more intentional.

Danielle: Performers call that “the white room”—your mind goes blank even when you know the material. It happens. The lesson is kindness to yourself. You’re an accomplished author, TEDx speaker, clinician, and athlete—and you still have human moments. That’s comforting.

Dr. Kate: Exactly. Do your best, learn, and move forward.

Danielle: Kate, thank you for your time, your story, and your tools. Listeners, check the show notes for links to Dr. Kate’s book Step Away, her website, and resources we mentioned. This was a gift.