Have you ever worked really hard toward something, only to realize you weren’t enjoying any of it?
You made the plan. You did the research. You followed the advice. And when things weren’t progressing the way you expected, you assumed the answer was to try harder.
But what if the problem isn’t your discipline?
What if you’ve become more loyal to your plan than yourself?
The Big Important Book I Didn’t Write
Years ago, I was determined to write a big, important mental health book.
I had the vision. The writing schedule. The index cards. I even had an imaginary future where my book would sit somewhere between Brené Brown and Mel Robbins at Barnes & Noble.
Oprah would discover it eventually, obviously.
There was just one small problem.
I wasn’t enjoying writing it.
After weeks of procrastinating, rearranging my desk, and occasionally writing three sentences, I called my coach, LaShell Wooten, for help.
I expected a better strategy.
Instead, she asked me something I hadn’t considered:
“How do you want to feel while you’re making it?”
My answer came almost immediately.
Joyful. Playful.
And suddenly, I realized how disconnected I’d become from the experience I actually wanted.
Your Goals Matter. So Does Getting There.
I’d been so focused on what finishing that book would mean about me that I’d forgotten to consider how I wanted to feel while creating it.
Eventually, I put the project aside.
But there was a little yellow Post-it note on my desk with three words I couldn’t quite let go of:
Wrestling a Walrus.
One day, I took those words for a walk. Then another.
Before long, that little idea became my children’s book, Wrestling a Walrus: For Little People with Big Feelings.
Not the book I’d planned.
But one I’m incredibly proud of.
And here’s what that experience taught me:
The life you’re living while you work toward your goals is still your life.
Not every difficult project means you’re on the wrong path. Sometimes meaningful things are hard.
But when something consistently feels disconnected from what matters to you, that feeling might be worth listening to before you make another plan.
A Question to Take With You
Think about something you’re working toward right now.
Complete these three sentences:
- Something I’m working toward is __________.
- I imagine I’ll feel __________ when I get there.
- But while I’m getting there, I want to feel __________.
And one more question:
What’s your little yellow Post-it note?
That idea, curiosity, or possibility you keep returning to?
Maybe you don’t need to turn it into a five-year plan.
Maybe you could just give it 20 minutes and see what happens.
Listen to the Full Episode
In this solo episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I’m sharing more about the book I didn’t write, the question that changed my direction, and how to recognize when trying harder might not be what you actually need.
Listen to Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs
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DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW
I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you’d like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.
CONNECT WITH DANIELLE
- Follow me on: Instagram
- Check out: The Treasured Journal
- Buy my children’s book: Wrestling a Walrus
- Download: Free Essential Meditations audio series
