This podcast is the remedy to comparison and feeling like everyone has life figured out but you. I sit with experts, entrepreneurs and fellow creatives to explore the process of living a live we love. Including, the stumbles and mistakes that happen along the way.
If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why am I getting upset all the time?” there’s a good chance your frustration isn’t the actual problem. It may be the clue. Frustration is often what happens when a need has gone ignored for so long that it finally starts knocking louder. Sometimes what’s underneath it is exhaustion. Sometimes […]
If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why am I getting upset all the time?” there’s a good chance your frustration isn’t the actual problem.
It may be the clue.
Frustration is often what happens when a need has gone ignored for so long that it finally starts knocking louder. Sometimes what’s underneath it is exhaustion. Sometimes it’s disappointment. Sometimes it’s grief, overwhelm, or simply the realization that you’ve been carrying more than you were meant to carry alone.
In this solo episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I explore why frustration deserves more curiosity and less criticism—and why understanding it may be one of the most powerful self-regulation strategies for kids and parents alike.
Frustration isn’t always the problem. Sometimes it’s the clue. Discover self-regulation strategies for kids and parents and what your emotions may be trying to tell you.
“Why Am I So Frustrated Lately?”
Not any one particular thing.
Just… everything.
The dishes.
The group text.
The person driving too slowly.
The email that somehow manages to irritate you before you’ve even opened it.
And then, because you’re a reasonably self-aware person, you get frustrated with yourself for being frustrated.
Nobody talks enough about that part.
The second layer.
The shame.
The “What’s wrong with me?” that often shows up right behind the irritation.
Because if you’re someone who cares deeply, tries hard, and wants to be kind, frustration can feel confusing.
You think:
“I shouldn’t be this annoyed.”
“Why is everyone getting on my nerves?”
“Why can’t I just let this go?”
But what if your frustration isn’t evidence that you’re failing?
What if it’s information?
What if it’s one of the first signs that something important needs your attention?
What Does Frustration Actually Mean?
Most of us treat frustration like an emotion we’re supposed to get rid of.
We want to calm down.
Fix it.
Push through.
Move on.
But frustration is often less like a stop sign and more like a flashing dashboard light.
It’s rarely the whole story.
Sometimes the thing you call frustration is actually:
exhaustion
disappointment
grief
overwhelm
loneliness
resentment
feeling unsupported
feeling unseen
Frustration tends to be the emotion we notice first because it’s loud.
The emotions underneath it are usually quieter.
And if we’re functioning externally while exhaling privately, those quieter emotions are often the ones we’re most likely to ignore.
Why Do I Keep Getting Irritated by Small Things?
Because small things are rarely the actual problem.
A forgotten chore isn’t usually about the chore.
A delayed text isn’t usually about the text.
The overflowing laundry basket isn’t usually about the laundry.
Those moments often become the place where accumulated stress finally spills over.
This might look like:
You haven’t had a moment to yourself in weeks.
You’re carrying most of the mental load.
You keep saying yes when you want to say no.
You’re exhausted but still trying to be productive.
You need help but haven’t asked for it, or don’t know where to begin.
Eventually your nervous system stops whispering.
And frustration shows up.
Not because you’re broken.
Because you’re nervous system can’t help but respond.
What Self-Regulation Strategies for Kids and Parents Can Teach Us
One of the biggest misconceptions about emotional regulation is that it’s about controlling emotions.
It’s not.
It’s about understanding them.
When a child is frustrated, we don’t usually help them by saying:
“Calm down.”
To be honest, it doesn’t work for adults either.
We help by getting curious.
What’s happening?
Tell me more?
What’s making this hard right now?
More often than not, the same self-regulation strategies for kids often work for parents too.
But a lot of times we find it easier to find compassion and understanding for our kids than we do ourselves, or other adults.
When we’re frustrated, we tend to jump straight to judgment.
Instead of:
“What’s wrong with me?”
Try:
“What’s making this hard?”
Instead of:
“I need to get over this.”
Try:
“What might this emotion be trying to tell me?”
Curiosity lowers defenses.
And emotional clarity almost always follows curiosity.
The Myth: Frustration Means You’re Doing Something Wrong
This is the myth I wish more people would let go of.
Many of us have been taught that emotional discomfort means we’re failing.
That if we were stronger, healthier, more evolved, or better regulated, we wouldn’t feel so frustrated.
I don’t think that’s true.
I think some of the most emotionally healthy people I know experience frustration regularly.
The difference is that they don’t stop there.
They get curious about it.
They understand that frustration isn’t proof something is wrong.
It’s information that something matters.
Sometimes frustration is what happens when a need has been ignored for so long that it finally starts knocking louder.
And that doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you human.
How Do You Respond to Frustration Differently?
The next time frustration shows up, try this simple shift.
Don’t immediately ask:
“How do I stop feeling this?”
Ask:
“What is this trying to tell me?”
Then get specific.
What feels hard?
What feels disappointing?
What feels unfair?
What feels unsustainable?
You don’t need to solve everything immediately.
Sometimes emotional clarity begins simply by telling the truth.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is frustration an emotion?
Yes, but it’s often a secondary emotion that sits on top of deeper feelings like sadness, disappointment, fear, grief, or overwhelm.
Why am I getting upset all the time?
Frequent frustration can be connected to emotional overload, burnout, stress, exhaustion, unmet needs, or carrying more responsibility than your nervous system can comfortably sustain.
What are self-regulation strategies for kids and parents?
Helpful strategies include naming emotions, slowing down before reacting, practicing curiosity, taking breaks, and learning to identify what feelings are communicating rather than trying to suppress them.
Can frustration actually be helpful?
Absolutely. Frustration often highlights areas where something needs attention, support, boundaries, rest, honesty, or change.
Final Thoughts
One of the reasons I wanted to create this episode is because so many high-functioning humans with big feelings are walking around convinced their frustration is the problem.
I don’t think it is.
I think the problem is how quickly we’ve learned to dismiss ourselves.
To criticize ourselves.
To override what we’re feeling.
To keep pushing.
Your frustration may not be evidence that you’re failing.
It may be evidence that something important needs your attention.
Because sometimes emotional awareness doesn’t begin with calm.
Sometimes it begins with irritation.
Sometimes it begins with the feeling that something is off.
And sometimes the hidden message inside frustration is simply this:
Slow down. There’s something here worth listening to.
Key Takeaways
Frustration is often the first emotion we notice, not the first emotion we’re feeling.
Small irritations often point to larger unmet needs, exhaustion, or emotional overload.
Self-regulation strategies for kids and parents begin with curiosity, not control.
Emotional clarity grows when we stop criticizing our feelings and start listening to them.
Your frustration isn’t the problem. It’s the clue.
👉 If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who might also need this reminder. And don’t forget to subscribe so new episodes find you—no chasing required.
RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”
Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It’s one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.
DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW
I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you’d like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.
Join my email list to get access to tools + resources to help improve your mental health. Plus, be the first to know about new episodes, blogs and more.
Get actionable advice + mental health tips in your inbox.
