It’s Communication Challenge Time!!! For the next 2 weeks my goal is to take the challenge OUT of communication for you.
There’s nothing worse than walking into an important conversation and (record scratch) your mind goes blank, finding yourself feeling sweaty & panicky before a big meeting, or rehearsing conversations you want to have in your head only to ignore the phone call when you see their name on caller ID.
These are all things I have done and work clients through all the time. Below are 3 questions I like to ask when prepping for a big conversation.
- What’s my intention for this conversation?
- What do I want them to know?
- How do I want to feel?
A clear intention
Before entering into the conversation, get crystal clear on your intention. Here are some examples:
- To be heard
- To speak my truth
- To be sincere
Getting clear on your intention sets the tone and can help start the conversation on the right foot. Also, when tensions are high, or there’s a lot of emotions in the mix, wondering off into a conversational tangent can leave you feeling lost and the other person confused. A clear intention keeps you on track.
It’s important to note that the intentions were not necessarily about the other person. For example:
- To change their mind
- To get them to see it my way
- To prove them wrong
These intentions are rooted in changing or manipulating the other person. And while it can feel great in the moment to “be right”, no one likes feeling talked down to or belittled. The other big reason intentions like these should generally be avoided is this -> We cannot control people. Ever, ever, not ever. So, if my needs being met depends on another person’s response to me…there’s a really good chance I’m going to leave that interaction feeling disappointed.
What is it that you want the other person to know?
If my intention is to be heard, maybe an example of what I want them to know is -> “There’s nothing I need you do, but I need you to know that as I result of what happened I feel _____.”
Generally speaking, when adrenaline is high or we’re feeling vulnerable, there’s a limit to how much information we can take in. Getting clear on exactly what you want the other person to know can help in a couple different ways:
- It helps the other person remember what’s most important to you.
- It can help ensure that the conversation doesn’t go on too long.
When we’re discovering our feelings on the way to making our point, it can sometimes result in a long night. Think of it like taking a road trip versus taking a direct flight. Both ways work and will get you there, but one will take a significant amount of time.
Most importantly, heart
How do you want to feel when the conversation is over? The answer to this question serves as your conversational north star. The emotion behind your words is what’s truly felt and remembered.
Having tough conversations with love or compassion in your heart can feel intimate and lead to growth. Saying the “right thing” to “be nice” while secretly keeping your feelings inside can lead to further misunderstandings and even resentment.
When it comes to “What we say,” trusting your intention, honoring feelings, and then letting your instincts guide the way will lead you where you want to go.
A helpful tool
Lastly, when it comes to communicating clearly, affectively, and authentically nothing helps me more than journaling.
There’s something powerful that happens when you sit with yourself, a pen, and your thoughts. There’s no one to perform for. No pretending and nowhere to hide. Sometimes, it’s these very truths that can make the idea of journaling scary. But you’re strong enough to handle this.
If you’re looking for a place to start or need a helping hand to unearth the deeper truths within you, I invite you to pick up a copy of my guided journal Treasured, only $27.99.
This guided journal walks you through 7 key areas of your life – career, love, relationships, sex, family, money, and purpose. There’s enough prompts and support to get you started and LOTS of beautiful blank space to follow where your own inspiration.
If you want to join in on the Communication Challenge click HERE. Next week, we’re diving into – “What we hear.” By signing up you’ll receive 2 communication mini-meditations & the complete 7 part guided Treasured mediation series with bonus track, valued at $7.99. I can’t wait to see you there!